What do bees do with their honey? They cell it.

NSA Pickup Line #2:
I know exactly where you have been all my life

My ex-wife is standing at the opposite end of the museum from me. I want to say hello but there’s just too much history between us.

Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?

I was watching a marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: ‘This could be interesting’

I was ordering birthday cake over phone.
They asked “And what would you like the cake to say?”
I covered phone to ask my wife. “Do we want a talking cake?”

I’ve been reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down

What kind of train eats a lot?
A chew chew train

I can only tell you a bad chemistry joke because all the good ones Argon

My wife says I’m immature. I told her to get out of my fort

A jumper cable walked into a bar, the bartender said “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything!”

What did the hat say to the hat rack?
You stay here I’m going on a head

There are so many scams on the Internet these days…. but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them.

Once I found out masturbating was an addiction, I just knew that I had no choice but to beat it.

I used to be in a band, we were called ‘lost dog’. You probably saw our posters.

I was lonely so I bought some shares. It’s nice to have a bit of company

My wifi has stopped working. Turns out our neighbours hadn’t paid the bill. Tightarses.

My wife is complaining that I never buy her jewellery. To be fair, I didn’t even know she sold jewellery.

Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory? It was a real tragedy, 100 soles were lost.