Adult: Someone who has stopped growing at both ends and now grows in the middle.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be called bagels

I saw a bishop the other day. Wondered why he wasn’t walking diagonally

Queue is just Q followed by four silent letters waiting their turn

The year 2020 is going to be filled with so many puns about perfect vision

I can just see it now.

I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m okay

I wasn’t happy with my sons school report. He said okay. I said I want more A’s. He said okaaaaaaaay

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef

When I heard that they’d found a cure for dyslexia, it was like music to my arse.

I thought I had a Japanese friend, but it was just my imagine asian

Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot

How do Mexicans stay warm in winter? Fajitas

When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble

I lost my licence so I bought a vintage Rolls Royce because I thought it came with a driver. It didn’t. So I spent all that money and I’ve got nothing to chauffeur it.

I was playing Frisbee with my dog in the park today, but it didn’t go well.
I think I need to get a flatter dog.

Why was the computer late for work?
He had a slow, hard drive

What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse’s butt?
A mechanic!

Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.

How do you count cows? With a cowculater.

Last night me and my wife watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the TV.