#260
What’s the importance of capitalization? You can either help your Uncle Jack off a horse or help your uncle jack off a horse
#531
What’s the worst vegetable to eat on a boat?
Leek
#485
My wife said I never listen to her. Or something like that.
#510
What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.
#218
Arguing with my wife is like reading the software licencing agreement. In the end, you ignore everything and click “I agree”.
#554
Yeah I’m into fitness… Fitness pizza in my mouth!
#714
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse’s butt?
A mechanic!
#875
What is invisible and smells like worms?
Bird farts
#799
Dad: Son, I don’t think you’re cut out to be a mime artist
Son: Was it something I said?
Dad: Yes
#468
What advice did Notorious B.I.G give to his cows?
Moo money, moo problems
#266
I got into a fight with my boner this morning. Don’t worry, I beat it single handedly
#611
Lazy People Fact #5812672793:
You were too lazy to read that number.
#692
The other night I had a knife in one hand and a block of colby in the other…
I told the kids to leave the room before I cut the cheese.
#796
My mate just got fired from the mint factory.
His wife went absolutely menthol
#141
I just found out that the guy who stole my private diary has died.
My thoughts are with his family.
#287
Something about subtraction just doesn’t add up
#373
Where did Mary go after the explosion?
Everywhere
#406
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
#250
I mean – I appreciate that my friends are doing their best to cheer me up after my diagnosis, but I’ve heard so many cancer jokes today – if I get to hear just tumor I’ll really get mad.
#807
If Tinkerbell had a Mexican sister what would her name be?
Taco Bell
