I have a fear of speed bumps. Im slowly getting over it

The year 2020 is going to be filled with so many puns about perfect vision

I can just see it now.

Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize.

Have you heard about corduroy pillows?
They’re making headlines.

I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto Noah’s Ark

Why shouldn’t you make fun of a paleontologist? Because you will get Jurasskicked.

I still remember the day the scented candle shop I worked at burned to the ground.

Everyone was so calm…..

Nothing makes me more suspicious than an unsolicited compliment.

This weight loss website wants me to accept cookies. Hmm…

I’m great at multitasking.
I can waste time, be unproductive and procrastinate all at once!

What happened to the cannibal that was late to dinner?
He was given the cold shoulder

Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory? It was a real tragedy, 100 soles were lost.

You heard of that new band 1023MB? They’re good but they haven’t got a gig yet.

What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse’s butt?
A mechanic!

I may not be getting lucky tonight, but I’m definitely banging my snooze button in the morning.

Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure

Why can’t you take inventory in Afghanistan?
Because of the tally ban

Why did the birdie go to the hospital? He needed a tweetment

I can only tell you a bad chemistry joke because all the good ones Argon