Why shouldn’t you make fun of a paleontologist? Because you will get Jurasskicked.

There was a snake crossing a highway and a truck ran over its ass. The snake went back to get its ass and a truck ran over its head. The moral of the story is, “Don’t lose your head over a piece of ass.”

I poured root beer into a square glass.
Now I just have beer

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally!

“Give me a sentence about a public servant” the teacher instructed her second-grade student.
“The fireman came down the ladder pregnant” he answered.
“Umm … Do you know what pregnant means?”
“Yes” said the boy. “It means carrying a child”

Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

Want to get noticed?
Go jogging without moving your arms.

Why did everyone want to hang out with the mushroom? Because he was a fungi.

i thought i got a type a in blood test but it was actually a typ-o

A farmer counted 196 cows in the field. But when he rounded them up, he had 200

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.

How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree? Wave.

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One’s really heavy and the other is a little lighter

I’m close friends with 25 letters of the alphabet, I don’t know y

Conjunctivitis.com: a site for sore eyes

I only trust people who like big butts. They cannot lie.

Say what you want about deaf people…

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, “Anything you say can and will be held against you.” The man replies, “Boobs!”

What was the demon arrested for?
Possession