A handicapped guy stole my wallet.
He can hide but he can’t run

Relationships between men and women is psychological.
She is psycho and he is logical.

They say make up sex is the best…
Which is lucky, because all my sex is made up.

What do dinosaurs pay their bills with?
Tyrannosaurus Cheques

When my wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo I had to put my foot down

I can hear music coming out of my printer.
I think the paper’s jammin’ again.

I’ve been reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down

I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous!

What’s the worst vegetable to eat on a boat?
Leek

I have only seen people underwhelmed or overwhelmed, never whelmed properly.

A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason… details are sketchy.

I used to be a lifeguard, but this blue kid got me fired.

Say what you want about deaf people…

There are plenty of fish in the sea but until you catch one you’re just stuck here holding your rod…

For a short while, my uncle was a world famous chainsaw juggler. But not for being good at it. I miss uncle Stump.

Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything.

Where do fish work? The offish.

19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.