#256
Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend off the wall? So he could see her crack!
#619
Adult: Someone who has stopped growing at both ends and now grows in the middle.
#813
What do ballerinas take for transportation?
A tutu train
#314
I have two boys, 5 and 6. We’re no good at naming things in our house.
#139
I told my wife she drew her eyebrows on too high. She looked surprised.
#826
Why can’t the T-Rex clap?
Because it’s dead
#93
A donkey fell into a bowl of sugar. Now that’s a sweet ass!!
#702
What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.
#800
I’d tell you a joke about crops, but it’s a bit corny.
#528
I work in a library. Literally, all we do is judge books by their covers.
#433
So apparently RSVP’ing back to a wedding invite ‘maybe next time’ isn’t the correct response.
#432
A Chinese couple had a black baby and named it SumTing Wong.
#158
What do you get when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? An udder disaster.
#584
I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!
#15
Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience
#442
I’m hosting a marathon for people with chronic diarrhea. It’s a run for the runs
#611
Lazy People Fact #5812672793:
You were too lazy to read that number.
#255
Why don’t the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe
#755
A hole was found in the wall of a nudist camp. The police are looking into it.
#323
My wife says I’m hopeless at fixing appliances. Well, she’s in for a shock!