It’s been 2 days since I’ve had McDonald’s, I’m getting the shakes… and the fries.

There was a big paddle sale at the boat store.
It was quite an oar deal.

Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

A hole was found in the wall of a nudist camp. The police are looking into it.

The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travellers in here.”
A time traveller walks into a bar.

Hedgehogs — why can’t they just share the hedge

When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.

I should have been sad when my flashlight batteries died, but I was delighted.

Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.

The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.

What’s the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

A farmer counted 196 cows in the field. But when he rounded them up, he had 200

Me: Mmm, you’ve dimmed the lights. I like where this is going.
Optometrist: Just read the letters on the screen.

I’m hosting a marathon for people with chronic diarrhea. It’s a run for the runs

It’s better to have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

My wife is leaving me because I’m going bald.

I’m not bothered, it’s hair loss.

Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive?
It was a grave mistake.