An old man threw out his hip.. What a waist

Somebody ripped a whole bunch of pages out of my dictionary. It just goes from bad to worse

I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says, “The Titanic is syncing”

Statistically speaking, 6 out of 7 dwarves aren’t happy

Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day? Sure, they’re very scent-imental!

Have you heard about the cannibal that passed his brother in the forest?

Why should you never trust a train?
They have loco motives

No deja vu please…
I don’t want to go through that again

Counting in binary is as easy as 01 10 11

You heard of that new band 1023MB? They’re good but they haven’t got a gig yet.

Several guys are sitting around having a drink and one guy says “My wife’s an angel” another guy says “Your lucky, mines still alive.”

An English man, an Irish man and an Italian walk into a bar. The bartender says “is this a joke?”

Interviewer: “So how long were you employed in your last job?”
Me: “I’d say my biggest weakness is my listening skills.”

My son wanted to know what it’s like to be married. I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.

I mustache you a question but I’ll Shave it for later

The best way to carve wood is whittle by whittle

I just realised that I haven’t done the hokey pokey in over 10 years. I guess when you get older, you just forget what it’s all about.