Ice hockey is basically just guys wearing knife shoes fighting each other with long sticks for the last Oreo.

I work in a library. Literally, all we do is judge books by their covers.

What part of a vegetable do cannibals struggle to eat?
The wheelchair

Two dyslexics walk into a bra…

Currently the flower business is blooming.

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher?
Couldn’t control his pupils

Our vet is great. If you take your dog in and you have pet insurance, they give you a courtesy dog for the day.

Murphy’s law states anything that can go wrong will go wrong, but have you heard of Cole’s law? It’s finely sliced cabbage.

How is cat food sold?
Purr can

And the best neckwear award goes to…
Oh wait. It’s a tie.

Why did the Mexican take xanax?
For Hispanic attacks

Marketing companies should use chromosomes in advertisements because sex cells

The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

How do you drown a hipster?
Throw him into the mainstream

Why did the Higgs Boson go to church?
For the mass

Celine Dion walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Those long face jokes are so mean. Let me buy you a drink”

As I said before, I never repeat myself.