Statistically speaking, 6 out of 7 dwarves aren’t happy

What’s the internal temperature of a Tauntaun?
Luke warm

My deaf girlfriend was talking in her sleep last night. She nearly took my eye out.

I applied for a government job but accidentally sent the wrong resume. This early display of incompetence should work in my favour.

I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the ‘brella’. But he hesitated.

What do you call a woman with no legs? Nolene

How do you count cows? With a cowculater.

I threw an Asian man down a flight of stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.

Give a Nigerian a fish he’ll eat for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish and he’ll become a prince and start e-mailing people

Why don’t helicopters fly in the morning? Twirly

The police came to my house and asked where I was between 3 and 5 . I told them pre school.

Why did the Mexican take xanax?
For Hispanic attacks

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran

Why are teddy bears never hungry?
Because they’re stuffed

In any argument, a wife has the last word. Anything the husband says after that last word is the beginning of a new argument.

My wife said I never listen to her. Or something like that.

Is google a woman? Because it won’t let you finish your sentence without coming up with other suggestions.

A dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa

When my blonde neighbour asked me if I knew about items missing from her clothesline I nearly wet her pants.