What does cheese say when it sees itself in the mirror? Halloumi

How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
He felt his presents

Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No hard feelings”.

I went bobsleighing the other day, killed 250 bobs.

Give a Nigerian a fish he’ll eat for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish and he’ll become a prince and start e-mailing people

Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory? It was a real tragedy, 100 soles were lost.

There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.

Who is the best king fu vegetable?
Brocc Lee

At breakfast this morning, my wife said she’s leaving me because of my obsession with Twitter.

I almost choked on my #Brown.

The police came to my house and asked where I was between 3 and 5 . I told them pre school.

My wife asked me to bring home stuff for the pancakes. She wasn’t happy when I arrived with a push-up bra.

The best way to carve wood is whittle by whittle

Why do all of P-Diddy’s kids have nice hair?
Because Sean Combs

If you spent your day in a well, can you say your day was well-spent?

The plumber told me a hole boring story about pipes.

There are only 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don’t

Even when I’m really tired I refuse to take naps during the day. My wife says I’m resisting a rest.

The funeral for the man who invented Chinese whispers will be held on Monday. Pass it on.

The thing about dwarfs and midgets is that they have very little in common