Did you know that Snoop Dogg’s sister is a stripper?
She wears nothing but a g-string baby

What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB

What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish

What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
Synonym rolls

My wife told me to get our red headed son ready for school. So I beat him up and took his lunch money.

I got called pretty yesterday and it felt good!

Actually, the full sentence was “you’re pretty annoying” but I’m choosing to focus on the positive

Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s time consuming

The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto Noah’s Ark

Our cat coughed up furballs all over the carpet. I wouldn’t mind but Furballs was our hamster.

I thought I had a Japanese friend, but it was just my imagine asian

What does a panda ghost eat? Bam-BOO!

My wife broke up with me because of my gambling. All I can think of is how to win her back.

Got a universal remote for Father’s Day.
This changes everything!

I couldn’t work out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.

My mate had a terrible accident a while ago. He fell into an Upholstering Machine.

He’s fully recovered now though.

I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It’s Hans free

What’s E.T. short for?
He’s got little legs

So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere