#367

Did you know that Snoop Dogg’s sister is a stripper?
She wears nothing but a g-string baby

#128

My wife told me to get our red headed son ready for school. So I beat him up and took his lunch money.

#830

I spent all day yesterday floating out in the bay.
It’s been my dream ever since I was a little buoy.

#464

I got called pretty yesterday and it felt good!

Actually, the full sentence was “you’re pretty annoying” but I’m choosing to focus on the positive

#386

Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s time consuming

#160

The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

#114

Our cat coughed up furballs all over the carpet. I wouldn’t mind but Furballs was our hamster.

#208

I thought I had a Japanese friend, but it was just my imagine asian

#111

My wife broke up with me because of my gambling. All I can think of is how to win her back.

#844

Got a universal remote for Father’s Day.
This changes everything!

#476

I couldn’t work out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.

#220

My mate had a terrible accident a while ago. He fell into an Upholstering Machine.

He’s fully recovered now though.

#317

I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It’s Hans free

#652

So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere

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