What do you call a woman with no legs? Nolene

A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.

I don’t get people who stumble into mirrors. They need to watch themselves.

There are 2 rules for success:
1. Don’t tell all you know.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.

I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous!

“Give me a sentence about a public servant” the teacher instructed her second-grade student.
“The fireman came down the ladder pregnant” he answered.
“Umm … Do you know what pregnant means?”
“Yes” said the boy. “It means carrying a child”

I’m thinking of selling my John Lennon memorabilia on eBay.
Imagine all the PayPal.

A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.

Whenever I pass someone texting and driving, I throw my beer at their window

What happened to the cannibal that was late to dinner?
He was given the cold shoulder

I gave Stevie wonder a cheese grater for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.

It’s Jamaican hair style day at work tomorrow. I’m already dreading it.

Someone threw cheese at me.
Real mature!

What do you call people who illegally use restrooms? Squatters.

I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto Noah’s Ark

I had an argument with one of the seven dwarfs. He wasn’t happy

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal turns to the other and asks, “This taste funny to you?”