#76
When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.
When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.
Which dinosaur knew the most words?
The thesaurus.
Nothing makes me more suspicious than an unsolicited compliment.
When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, “A very good doctor”
The Man Who Created Autocorrect Has Died. Resturant In Peace.
Wanted to tell you a joke about tv controllers but it’s not even remotely funny
What do you call an academically successful slice of bread? An honor roll.
Our cat was just sick on the carpet. I don’t think its feline well.
For a period, Houdini used a trap door in every single show he did…I guess you could say it was a stage he was going through
A man who loves Sherlock Holmes novels and puns names his dog Furlock. One day, he takes his dog out to town with him and stops in a little boutique. He brings his dog in with him and tries on a shirt. To his dismay, it isn’t the right size. He looks at his dog and says “No fit, Furlock.“
I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m okay
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose
A horse walks into a bar. Several patrons get up and leave as they recognise the potential danger in the situation
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever thought about your X and wondered Y?
Why can’t you take inventory in Afghanistan?
Because of the tally ban
My wife told me I was average, I think she’s mean.
My party trick is swallowing two peices of string and an hour later they come out of my arse tied together. I shit you knot.
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears. What am I? Ugly
It’d be frustrating if you seriously couldn’t find your friend Marco at a crowded swimming pool.
Me: Go to sleep before the monsters get you.
Daughter: Monsters aren’t real.
Me: You sound like your sister.
Daughter: Sister?
Me: I’ve said too much already…