Where are average things manufactured?
The satisfactory

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta

Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool

You heard of that new band 1023MB? They’re good but they haven’t got a gig yet.

I was watching a marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: ‘This could be interesting’

Sheepdog: All 50 sheep are accounted for, boss.
Farmer: But I only had 49?
Sheepdog: Yeah I know. I rounded them up.

You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.

“No, thanks. I’m a vegetarian.” is a fun thing to say when someone hands you their baby.

37 consonants, 25 vowels, a question mark, and a comma went to court.
They will be sentenced next Friday.

What do people wear in a trench? Trench coats.

What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.

My girlfriend left me because she couldn’t handle my OCD. I told her to close the door five times on her way out.

A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.

I named my hard drive “dat ass” so once a month my computer asks if I want to back dat ass up

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram

My speech today will be like a mini-skirt. Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention!

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

The police came to my house and asked where I was between 3 and 5 . I told them pre school.