How many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb? Sex.

Scared the postman today by going to the door naked.
I’m not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived.

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the batmobile?
“Get in the batmobile”

I’m so introverted I won’t even talk to myself.

I told my wife she drew her eyebrows on too high. She looked surprised.

Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s time consuming

What’s the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer goes *whack* “damn” and a skydiver goes “damn” *whack*

I’m in awe. My buddy just used a snail as a key to start up his sedan…

It made escargot.

My kids have been throwing Scrabble tiles at each other again.

it’s all fun and games until someone loses an i.

As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden..
The plot thickens.

Someone told me my clothes looked gay..
They did come out of the closet this morning.

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one. He’s never gonna give you Up

My boss told me I intimidate my coworkers so I just stared at him until he apologised

I heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A bartender walks into a church, a temple and a mosque. He has no idea how jokes work.

I threw an Asian man down a flight of stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.

My friend dug a hole in the garden and filled it with water. I think he meant well.

Why did the Mexican throw his wife off a bridge?
Tequila