Your mammas not fat. She’s just… easier to see

I’ve recently quit my job as a butler.

I refuse to be ordered around in that manor.

I got banned from a secret cooking society for spilling the beans

What does a baby computer call his dad?
Data

What did the remote say to the TV? You turn me on.

The Lord of the Rings is basically about a group that spends nine hours returning jewellery

A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.

What part of your body likes to get frisky?
The naked eye

Which dinosaur knew the most words?
The thesaurus.

It’d be frustrating if you seriously couldn’t find your friend Marco at a crowded swimming pool.

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it

My ex-wife has lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don’t know what she charges him.

My boss told me I intimidate my coworkers so I just stared at him until he apologised

The seven dwarfs were in the bath feeling happy so he got out.

What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.

I really hate those people who knock at your door and tell you how you need to be ‘saved’ or you’ll ‘burn.’
Stupid firemen.

How does an evil cow laugh? Moohaha

What kind of currency do chickens use? Bock bucks

I work in a library. Literally, all we do is judge books by their covers.