PMS jokes aren’t funny. Period.

What does Kim Kardashian use to fix holes?

Sex tape

If you’re looking for quality, never buy fireworks from a guy with more than seven fingers.

I called the cops about a murder on my front lawn.
They said they couldn’t do anything about crows and to stop calling them.

My wife asked me to bring home stuff for the pancakes. She wasn’t happy when I arrived with a push-up bra.

It’s been 2 days since I’ve had McDonald’s, I’m getting the shakes… and the fries.

A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.

When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble

Why is life in North Korea so hard? Because North Korea lost its Seoul.

What’s long and hard and has cum in it?
A cucumber

Heard about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu – you get what you deserve

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.
not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

I don’t need a hot tub. I prefer a mildly attractive tub with a great sense of humor and a good job

What does cheese say when it sees itself in the mirror? Halloumi

I once thanked a French guy to death. It was a merci killing.

Why are teddy bears never hungry?
Because they’re stuffed

My wife told me to get our red headed son ready for school. So I beat him up and took his lunch money.