Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.

A guy goes to a doctor because he’s got a strawberry growing out of his chest. The doctor looks and examines and finally says, “Let me give you some cream to put on it.”

My wife told me to get our red headed son ready for school. So I beat him up and took his lunch money.

What did Michael Jackson call his denim store?
Billie Jeans

Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.

“No, thanks. I’m a vegetarian.” is a fun thing to say when someone hands you their baby.

Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear quite bright – until you hear them talk.

My wife says I’m hopeless at fixing appliances. Well, she’s in for a shock!

Where does seaweed look for a job?
in the kelp-wanted ads

The plumber told me a hole boring story about pipes.

Hung a picture up on the wall the other day. Nailed it.

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore.

When you swim in a creek and an eel bites your cheek, that’s a moray.

Little Red Riding Hood found in a critical condition. Paramedics have stabilised her condition, but she’s not out of the woods yet.

There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

‘I hate tacos’ said no Juan ever

I asked my wife for “something Cuban” for my birthday, and she got me a Che Guevara shirt.

Clothes, but no cigar.

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put it in the microwave until it’s Bill Withers.

I’ve just found out one of my mates works as a mime artist. He’s kept that quiet.