I did a theatrical performance on puns.
It was a play on words.

Little Red Riding Hood found in a critical condition. Paramedics have stabilised her condition, but she’s not out of the woods yet.

Me: Mmm, you’ve dimmed the lights. I like where this is going.
Optometrist: Just read the letters on the screen.

Age is just the number of hours I’m hungover for.

What do you call a magic dog? A Labracadabrador.

An SEO guy walks into a bar, pub, inn, tavern, hotel, public house, brew house, beer hall, bodega, izakaya

“Your finest Scotch, please.” “Yes, sir,” the guy at Officeworks says as he hands me a 12 year old roll of tape.

My wife was in labor with our first child when suddenly she began to shout, “Shouldn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t, didn’t, can’t!”

“Doc, what’s wrong with my wife?” I asked.

“Nothing” he said. “She’s just having contractions.”

Waitress: ‘Do u have any questions about the menu?’ Me: ‘What kind of font is this?’

Our cat was just sick on the carpet. I don’t think its feline well.

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot

Why are teddy bears never hungry?
Because they’re stuffed

You heard of that new band 1023MB? They’re good but they haven’t got a gig yet.

If I get interviewed by a police sketch artist, my only goal will be to see how far I get before he realizes I’m making him draw a pirate.

Police are looking for a guy who threatens his victims with a lit match.
They need to catch him before he strikes again

I made a graph of my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.

Why did Barbie never get pregnant?
Because Ken always came in another box.

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One’s really heavy and the other is a little lighter