#130

My wife asked me to bring home stuff for the pancakes. She wasn’t happy when I arrived with a push-up bra.

#817

A photon checked into a hotel, the staff asked “Hello Mr. Photon, can I help you with your bags?” The photon replied, “No thanks, I’m traveling light.”

#361

What’s Michael Jackson’s favourite painting?
Sha-Mona Lisa

#728

Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I’m seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd this week and I have to say I’m really disappointed.

#478

There are plenty of fish in the sea but until you catch one you’re just stuck here holding your rod…

#575

What did the NSA analyst say to his co-worker when their female colleague walked past?
“I’d tap that”

#81

One day I was at a park wondering why does a frisbee keep looking bigger the closer it gets to you. Then it hit me

#264

Did you hear about the butcher who backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work.

#731

I slapped Dwayne Johnson’s butt.
I guess I’ve hit Rock Bottom.

#786

Interviewer asked me if I’d make a good waiter.
Let’s just say I can bring a lot to the table

#317

I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It’s Hans free

#867

I can cut down a tree just by looking at it. It’s true. I saw it with my own eyes

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