My wife asked me to bring home stuff for the pancakes. She wasn’t happy when I arrived with a push-up bra.


A photon checked into a hotel, the staff asked “Hello Mr. Photon, can I help you with your bags?” The photon replied, “No thanks, I’m traveling light.”


What’s Michael Jackson’s favourite painting?
Sha-Mona Lisa


Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I’m seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd this week and I have to say I’m really disappointed.


There are plenty of fish in the sea but until you catch one you’re just stuck here holding your rod…


What did the NSA analyst say to his co-worker when their female colleague walked past?
“I’d tap that”


One day I was at a park wondering why does a frisbee keep looking bigger the closer it gets to you. Then it hit me


Did you hear about the butcher who backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work.


I slapped Dwayne Johnson’s butt.
I guess I’ve hit Rock Bottom.


Interviewer asked me if I’d make a good waiter.
Let’s just say I can bring a lot to the table


I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It’s Hans free


I can cut down a tree just by looking at it. It’s true. I saw it with my own eyes

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