I am frustrated than a dragon trying to blow out candles.

A donkey fell into a bowl of sugar. Now that’s a sweet ass!!

Where did Mary go after the explosion?
Everywhere

White boards are remarkable

I’m hosting a marathon for people with chronic diarrhea. It’s a run for the runs

Wanna hear a potassium joke?
K

Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive?
It was a grave mistake.

Ice hockey is basically just guys wearing knife shoes fighting each other with long sticks for the last Oreo.

What do you call a guy covered in leaves?
Russell

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

What advice did Notorious B.I.G give to his cows?
Moo money, moo problems

Just got sacked from my job as a dishwasher. I kept putting the plates and bowls in the wrong order. The boss reckons I am dishlexic.

“Give it to me! Give it to me!” she yelled, “I’m so wet, give it to me now!” She could scream all she wanted to. I was keeping the umbrella.

How did the farmer find his wife?

He tractor down.

I got fired from my job as a chef for stealing kitchen equipment. It’s a whisk I was willing to take.

My wife says I’m too impulsive. But what the hell does she know? She only met me yesterday.

Why are teddy bears never hungry?
Because they’re stuffed

How many south Americans does it take to change a light bulb? A Brazilian