#703
What do you call a man with no arms or legs hanging on the wall?
Art
#222
The police came to my house and asked where I was between 3 and 5 . I told them pre school.
#180
A Russian spy, a sexual predator, and a billionaire walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What can I get you, Mr. President?”
#792
My wife screamed “Ugh you haven’t heard a word I said, have you!?”
What a strange way to start a conversation
#92
I tried walking up a hill without a watch but had neither the time nor the inclination.
#819
Wish I was a dolphin. Then I’d have a porpoise in life
#96
They’re always telling me to live my dreams. But I don’t want to be naked in an exam I haven’t revised for!
#708
What did the blanket say as it fell of the bed?
Oh sheet
#202
A termite walks into a bar and says “where’s the bar tender”
#626
Why should you never trust a train?
They have loco motives
#890
What do you call a snobbish prisoner going down the stairs?
A condescending con descending
#196
Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.
#444
Can a woman make you a millionaire?
Yes, if you’re a billionaire
#481
I can hear music coming out of my printer.
I think the paper’s jammin’ again.
#157
You heard of that new band 1023MB? They’re good but they haven’t got a gig yet.
#194
A bartender walks into a church, a temple and a mosque. He has no idea how jokes work.
#474
Do not argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
#863
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the batmobile?
“Get in the batmobile”
#482
When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, “A very good doctor”
#663
How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler