#878

What type of bears live in the north and south poles?
Bi-polar

#333

My wife just broke up with me for talking about video games too much, what a stupid thing to Fallout 4

#229

Just got sacked from my job as a dishwasher. I kept putting the plates and bowls in the wrong order. The boss reckons I am dishlexic.

#865

What happened to the cannibal that was late to dinner?
He was given the cold shoulder

#621

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran

#577

Heard about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu – you get what you deserve

#790

One of my mates is selling his budgie.
Unfortunately it’s not going cheap

#652

So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere

#755

A hole was found in the wall of a nudist camp. The police are looking into it.

#211

A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, “Anything you say can and will be held against you.” The man replies, “Boobs!”

#830

I spent all day yesterday floating out in the bay.
It’s been my dream ever since I was a little buoy.

#117

Police are looking for a guy who threatens his victims with a lit match.
They need to catch him before he strikes again

#254

A guy goes to a doctor because he’s got a strawberry growing out of his chest. The doctor looks and examines and finally says, β€œLet me give you some cream to put on it.”

#412

Why did the mobile phone need glasses?
It lost all its contacts

#479

Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

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