I saw a bishop the other day. Wondered why he wasn’t walking diagonally

The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travellers in here.”
A time traveller walks into a bar.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I can only tell you a bad chemistry joke because all the good ones Argon

Two peanuts walked down the street. One of them was a salted

For a short while, my uncle was a world famous chainsaw juggler. But not for being good at it. I miss uncle Stump.

One day I was at a park wondering why does a frisbee keep looking bigger the closer it gets to you. Then it hit me

I’ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.

What do you call a potato wearing glasses?
A spectater

Times New Roman walks into a bar. The barman says “Get out of here! We don’t serve your type.”

Woke up on the ground last night, must have fell asleep​.

What does Batman put in his drink?

Just Ice

There are only 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don’t

How many Emo kids does it take to change a light bulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry

Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything.

I don’t need a hot tub. I prefer a mildly attractive tub with a great sense of humor and a good job

A joke is like sex. Neither is any good if you don’t get it.

Lazy People Fact #5812672793:
You were too lazy to read that number.