What did Michael Jackson call his denim store?
Billie Jeans

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium

A Chinese kid was born before the due date.
Parents named him Sudden Lee.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

A Russian spy, a sexual predator, and a billionaire walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What can I get you, Mr. President?”

My doctors office has two doctors on call at all times. Is that considered a pair a docs.

So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere

I can cut down a tree just by looking at it. It’s true. I saw it with my own eyes

How many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb? Sex.

Statistically speaking, 6 out of 7 dwarves aren’t happy

I asked my wife “What do you want me to do with this big roll of bubble wrap?”
She said “Just pop it in the corner”.
It took me 4 hours.

I’ve decided to sell my Hoover … well, it was just collecting dust

It’s better to have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they’re so good at it!

What does a panda ghost eat? Bam-BOO!

I’m going on a blind date tonight. I hope our Labradors get on.

How much did it cost for the pirate to get his ears pierced?.

A buccaneer

If you could rehydrate those raisins, that’d be grapes.