If iron man and the silver surfer team up, they’ll be alloys

Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.

I told my wife she drew her eyebrows on too high. She looked surprised.

What’s the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer goes *whack* “damn” and a skydiver goes “damn” *whack*

What does a panda ghost eat? Bam-BOO!

I poured root beer into a square glass.
Now I just have beer

My colleague can no longer attend next weeks Innuendo Seminar so I have to fill her slot instead.

What do bees do with their honey? They cell it.

When I heard that they’d found a cure for dyslexia, it was like music to my arse.

I wanted to watch the world origami championship on TV but it was only on paper view.

Fishermen are reel men.

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?
Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.

I quit my job at the helium gas factory, I refuse to be talked to in that tone of voice!

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they’re so good at it!

My mate had a terrible accident a while ago. He fell into an Upholstering Machine.

He’s fully recovered now though.

There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

What did the cow say to her calf?
It’s pasture bed time

What’s the difference between a joke and a rhetorical question?