One of the elves left the North Pole to join a gang and sell drugs.
He’s a rebel without a Claus

What do you call a man with no arms or legs hanging on the wall?
Art

You can’t run through a camping ground. You can only ran, because it’s past tents

The first 5 days after the weekend are the hardest

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it

When my wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo I had to put my foot down

I went on a once in a lifetime holiday. Never again.

I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the ‘brella’. But he hesitated.

I know Jiu-Jitsu, Sambo, Judo, Aikido and lots of other scary words.

He’s street smart. Sesame Street smart.

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

What type of bears live in the north and south poles?
Bi-polar

I wanted to watch the world origami championship on TV but it was only on paper view.

What’s E.T. short for?
He’s got little legs

If towels could tell jokes they would probably have a dry sense of humor.

What do you call an Asian man who always has the correct change?
Exact Lee

Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the batmobile?
“Get in the batmobile”

What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Dung!