Did you know I was bilingual? Yeah I speak English and profanity

What do you call a guy with a rabbit up his butt?
Warren

What do you call an artist with a brown finger? Picassole

My grandfather has the heart of a lion.
And a lifetime ban from the zoo

Working in a mirror factory is something I can totally see myself doing

I got banned from a secret cooking society for spilling the beans

People used to laugh at me when I would say “I want to be a comedian”, well nobody’s laughing now.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

Why does the alcoholic Avon lady walk funny? Because her lips stick.

So this bloke just came up to me & said i’ve just spilt my scrabble set on the road. I asked “Whats the word on the street?”

I lost my licence so I bought a vintage Rolls Royce because I thought it came with a driver. It didn’t. So I spent all that money and I’ve got nothing to chauffeur it.

I went to a zoo in China last month, all they had in it was a small fluffy dog.
It was a Shitzu.

I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It’s Hans free

What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.

I have a fear of speed bumps. Im slowly getting over it

What do you call people who illegally use restrooms? Squatters.

What do you call somebody with body and just a nose? Nobody nose!

When my blonde neighbour asked me if I knew about items missing from her clothesline I nearly wet her pants.

What has four letters

What’s the difference between voyeurs and thieves? Thieves snatch your watch.