I’ve recently quit my job as a butler.

I refuse to be ordered around in that manor.


You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and its cold


I’ve just found out one of my mates works as a mime artist. He’s kept that quiet.


What advice did Notorious B.I.G give to his cows?
Moo money, moo problems


I got fired from candle factory because I refused to work wick ends


Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one. He’s never gonna give you Up


A Roman walks into a bar, sticks two fingers up to the barman and says, “Five beers please.”


I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off


I have only seen people underwhelmed or overwhelmed, never whelmed properly.


What’s the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts?
Beer nuts are a $1.75, but deer nuts are under a buck.


It’d be frustrating if you seriously couldn’t find your friend Marco at a crowded swimming pool.


Why do all of P-Diddy’s kids have nice hair?
Because Sean Combs


One day I was at a park wondering why does a frisbee keep looking bigger the closer it gets to you. Then it hit me


What do you call a woman with a toothpick up her butt?

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