A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.

What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a bike and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?

Attire

I thought I had a Japanese friend, but it was just my imagine asian

I’ve just found out one of my mates works as a mime artist. He’s kept that quiet.

A donkey fell into a bowl of sugar. Now that’s a sweet ass!!

I got banned from the secret cooking society… For spilling the beans.

Have I told you this deja vu joke before?

What is invisible and smells like worms?
Bird farts

What do you call a bee with a low buzz?
A mumblebee

Deja Moo – the feeling that you’ve heard this bull before

What did the electrician say when he got shocked?
That hertz.

When he proposed to her. She found it very engaging.

I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the ‘brella’. But he hesitated.

I met my wife at an Arthritis support meeting.
You know when two people just click.

A Buddhist monk approaches a hot dog stand and says “make me one with everything”

I got banned from a secret cooking society for spilling the beans

When life gives you melons, you’re probably dyslexic.

Why is life in North Korea so hard? Because North Korea lost its Seoul.