I’ve recently quit my job as a butler.

I refuse to be ordered around in that manor.

You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and its cold

Currently the flower business is blooming.

I’ve just found out one of my mates works as a mime artist. He’s kept that quiet.

Care to seduce a large woman?
Piece of cake!

I can guess your blood type.
Its Red.

My friend David lost his ID.

So now I call him Dav.

What advice did Notorious B.I.G give to his cows?
Moo money, moo problems

When are holes beautiful? When they’re gorges.

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one. He’s never gonna give you Up

A Roman walks into a bar, sticks two fingers up to the barman and says, “Five beers please.”

I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off

What do you call a pastry with diamonds? A stud muffin

I have only seen people underwhelmed or overwhelmed, never whelmed properly.

What’s the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts?
Beer nuts are a $1.75, but deer nuts are under a buck.

It’d be frustrating if you seriously couldn’t find your friend Marco at a crowded swimming pool.

Why do all of P-Diddy’s kids have nice hair?
Because Sean Combs

One day I was at a park wondering why does a frisbee keep looking bigger the closer it gets to you. Then it hit me

What do you call a woman with a toothpick up her butt?
Olive