What did the NSA analyst say to his co-worker when their female colleague walked past?
“I’d tap that”

A giraffe walks into a bar. “Sorry”, said the barman, “We don’t serve Heineken here.”

Have I told you this deja vu joke before?

I’ve decided to sell my Hoover … well, it was just collecting dust

What does a baby computer call his dad?
Data

They say make up sex is the best…
Which is lucky, because all my sex is made up.

What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland? Well the flag is a big plus

I wasn’t happy with my sons school report. He said okay. I said I want more A’s. He said okaaaaaaaay

What did the bra say to the hat?
You go on a head I’m gonna give these two a lift

Pick up line: “Are you a beaver because damn!”

Doctor, I feel like a wigwam and a teepee. Trouble is, you’re too tense.

What do you call a guy covered in leaves?
Russell

Why do all of P-Diddy’s kids have nice hair?
Because Sean Combs

What’s the internal temperature of a Tauntaun?
Luke warm

They’re always telling me to live my dreams. But I don’t want to be naked in an exam I haven’t revised for!

Who is the best king fu vegetable?
Brocc Lee

Do you know why i make puns?
its my respunsibility.

I can totally keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t.

I bought my friend an elephant for their room.

They said “thank you”

I said “Don’t mention it”