#514

The Lord of the Rings is basically about a group that spends nine hours returning jewellery

#485

My wife said I never listen to her. Or something like that.

#405

The Man Who Created Autocorrect Has Died. Resturant In Peace.

#586

As soon as the hospital made me put on one of those little gowns, I knew the end was in sight

#440

I was lonely so I bought some shares. It’s nice to have a bit of company

#547

I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium got together and I was like… “OMg”

#899

I knew a guy who collected candy canes, they were all in mint condition.

#455

“No, thanks. I’m a vegetarian.” is a fun thing to say when someone hands you their baby.

#505

Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.

#57

What’s the difference between a joke and a rhetorical question?

#507

Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said ‘concentrate’.

#312

Iโ€™m looking for the girl next door type. Iโ€™m just gonna keep moving house till I find her.

#134

I used to date a dyslexic girl. Weird girl. I took her home and she cooked my sock.

#85

I was watching a marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: ‘This could be interesting’

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