#123
I just saw a sign that made me wet myself.
It said “Bathroom Closed”.
#645
Sheepdog: All 50 sheep are accounted for, boss.
Farmer: But I only had 49?
Sheepdog: Yeah I know. I rounded them up.
#814
What do you call a wolf that knows what’s going on?
Awarewolf
#816
What’s the least spoken language in the world?
Sign language
#559
At what age do you think it’s appropriate to tell a highway it’s adopted?
#363
What part of your body likes to get frisky?
The naked eye
#818
How much beer does it take to get a tropical bird drunk?
Toucans
#407
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot
#14
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram
#279
Yesterday I saw a keyboard with some missing keys. It ended up killing itself because it lacked self-Ctrl.
#676
I’m addicted to brake fluid but I can stop whenever I want
#731
I slapped Dwayne Johnson’s butt.
I guess I’ve hit Rock Bottom.
#582
I love the F5 key. It´s just so refreshing.
#713
My wife said “Go to the store and buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, buy a dozen.”
So I returned with 12 loaves of bread
#668
I am frustrated than a dragon trying to blow out candles.
#403
It puzzles me that a bra is singular and panties are plural.
#785
My wife hates Oasis and asked me to stop singing Wonderwall.
I said maybe
#841
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
#250
I mean – I appreciate that my friends are doing their best to cheer me up after my diagnosis, but I’ve heard so many cancer jokes today – if I get to hear just tumor I’ll really get mad.
#290
What to say to a hitch-hiker with just one leg? Hop in.