Fishermen are reel men.

There’s a new shaver designed for dyslexics.
It’s the best thing since sliced beard.

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said ‘No change yet’.

How many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb? Sex.

What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator.

I’m terrified of elevators, and I’m taking steps to avoid them

Dogs can’t operate MRI machines… but catscan

Where did Mary go after the explosion?
Everywhere

How was Rome split in two?
With a pair of Caesars

How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler

The rotation of earth really makes my day.

Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.

A donkey fell into a bowl of sugar. Now that’s a sweet ass!!

Your mammas not fat. She’s just… easier to see

I told my wife she drew her eyebrows on too high. She looked surprised.

A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason… details are sketchy.

My wife told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer.
I said “No wait, I can change!”