How do you get down from an elephant?
You don’t. You get down from a goose

A guy goes to a doctor because he’s got a strawberry growing out of his chest. The doctor looks and examines and finally says, “Let me give you some cream to put on it.”

Did you hear about the horse and pig that are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship

Why did the birdie go to the hospital? He needed a tweetment

I’m here for whatever you need me to do… from the couch.

It’s Jamaican hair style day at work tomorrow. I’m already dreading it.

I eat my tacos over a Tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, BOOM, another taco.

3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you ‘handsome’, don’t take it as a compliment!

I used to be a lifeguard, but this blue kid got me fired.

What do you call an academically successful slice of bread? An honor roll.

What do you call someone who sells their body for a bowl of spaghetti? A pastatute!

A Buddhist monk approaches a hot dog stand and says “make me one with everything”

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

i thought i got a type a in blood test but it was actually a typ-o

What is Bruce Lee’s favourite drink? Wataaaaahh!

There was a snake crossing a highway and a truck ran over its ass. The snake went back to get its ass and a truck ran over its head. The moral of the story is, “Don’t lose your head over a piece of ass.”

I am so poor I can’t even pay attention.

I’m looking for the girl next door type. I’m just gonna keep moving house till I find her.