What do people wear in a trench? Trench coats.

For a short while, my uncle was a world famous chainsaw juggler. But not for being good at it. I miss uncle Stump.

How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony? It’s not hard.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be called bagels

My kids have been throwing Scrabble tiles at each other again.

it’s all fun and games until someone loses an i.

I stayed up all night to find out where the sun went, then it dawned on me…

Doctor, I feel like a wigwam and a teepee. Trouble is, you’re too tense.

My wifi has stopped working. Turns out our neighbours hadn’t paid the bill. Tightarses.

Why is too much alcohol bad for you?

Because that would be too whiskey.

How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
He felt his presents

Why are teddy bears never hungry?
Because they’re stuffed

The best way to carve wood is whittle by whittle

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, “A beer please, and one for the road.”

Two soldiers are in a tank.
One looks at the other and says “BLUBLUBBLUBLUBBLUB”

I love the F5 key. It´s just so refreshing.

This guy just had a dangerous mole removed from the end of his penis. Definitely won’t be shagging one of those again

What do you call a woman with a toothpick up her butt?
Olive

I would lose weight, but I hate losing.

I’m here for whatever you need me to do… from the couch.