What do you call a three-legged donkey? A wonkey.

Did you hear about the theme park ride made entirely out of iron?
It was a ferrous wheel

This guy said to me: “I’m gonna attack you with the neck of my guitar.” I said: “Is that a fret?”

Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said ‘concentrate’.

What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk

How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.

Where do pencils go on vacation? Pencilvania

I got banned from a secret cooking society for spilling the beans

What do you call a pastry with diamonds? A stud muffin

I’m trying to write jokes about unemployed people, but they need more work

A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason… details are sketchy.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch.
Bartender says “Pal, if you want a punch you’ll have to stand in line”. The guy looks around, but there is no punch line.

My son wanted to know what it’s like to be married. I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.

Did you hear about the horse and pig that are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off.

I hate when people use words without knowing the meaning… gives me a huge hysterectomy on the side of my head.

I’m addicted to brake fluid but I can stop whenever I want

I bought my friend an elephant for their room.

They said “thank you”

I said “Don’t mention it”