#703

What do you call a man with no arms or legs hanging on the wall?
Art

#592

Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.

#351

How much did it cost for the pirate to get his ears pierced?.

A buccaneer

#175

Why did the pig stop sunbathing? He was bacon in the heat

#263

Once I found out masturbating was an addiction, I just knew that I had no choice but to beat it.

#181

A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.

#485

My wife said I never listen to her. Or something like that.

#515

My annual performance review says I lack “passion & intensity”, guess management hasn’t seen me alone with a Big Mac.

#888

I miss my umbilical cord. Must have grown attached to it

#494

I always take life with a grain of salt, …plus a slice of lemon, …and a shot of tequila.

#619

Adult: Someone who has stopped growing at both ends and now grows in the middle.

#810

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose

#583

“Give me a sentence about a public servant” the teacher instructed her second-grade student.
“The fireman came down the ladder pregnant” he answered.
“Umm … Do you know what pregnant means?”
“Yes” said the boy. “It means carrying a child”

#426

What do dinosaurs pay their bills with?
Tyrannosaurus Cheques

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