#345
Prison may be just one word. But to some, it’s a whole sentence.
#830
I spent all day yesterday floating out in the bay.
It’s been my dream ever since I was a little buoy.
#808
My friend has been a limo driver for 25 years and has never had a customer.
All that time and nothing to chauffeur it
#601
My dad used to be a human cannonball in the circus. They’ve never found another man of his caliber
#790
One of my mates is selling his budgie.
Unfortunately it’s not going cheap
#688
Why is too much alcohol bad for you?
Because that would be too whiskey.
#846
Did you hear about the houses falling in love? It was a lawn-distance relationship.
#86
My honey farmer friend has a thing for big butts. I suppose Booty is in the eye of the bee-holder.
#580
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line
#144
I was in a bar when a waitress shouted “ANYONE KNOW CPR?”
I said “I know the whole alphabet!”.
Everyone laughed, except this one guy.
#254
A guy goes to a doctor because he’s got a strawberry growing out of his chest. The doctor looks and examines and finally says, “Let me give you some cream to put on it.”
#19
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
#665
What’s E.T. short for?
He’s got little legs
#862
Somebody ripped a whole bunch of pages out of my dictionary. It just goes from bad to worse
#720
A bill collector came to my house the other day, so I gave him a huge stack of old bills
#369
I had an argument with one of the seven dwarfs. He wasn’t happy
#222
The police came to my house and asked where I was between 3 and 5 . I told them pre school.
#193
What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland? Well the flag is a big plus
#727
There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.
Only a fraction of people will find this funny.
Some people appreciate these kinds of jokes and some don’t – the division is clear.
#734
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive?
It was a grave mistake.