#772
You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
I’m in awe. My buddy just used a snail as a key to start up his sedan…
It made escargot.
White boards are remarkable
What do people wear in a trench? Trench coats.
Yeah I’m into fitness… Fitness pizza in my mouth!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
And the best neckwear award goes to…
Oh wait. It’s a tie.
Whenever I pass someone texting and driving, I throw my beer at their window
Today I saw a golf buggy parked in a disabled bay and thought to myself, “I wonder what his handicap is?”
I miss my umbilical cord. Must have grown attached to it
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humour.
I recently got a new Korean mechanic but it’s hard to understand him – he speaks with a Hyundai Accent!
Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I’m driving
Dad: Son, I don’t think you’re cut out to be a mime artist
Son: Was it something I said?
Dad: Yes
My friend dug a hole in the garden and filled it with water. I think he meant well.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot
Did you know that Snoop Dogg’s sister is a stripper?
She wears nothing but a g-string baby
I had a dream last night that I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.
For a period, Houdini used a trap door in every single show he did…I guess you could say it was a stage he was going through
What’s the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer goes *whack* “damn” and a skydiver goes “damn” *whack*