#546

If we get rid of all the margarine the world will be a butter place.

#813

What do ballerinas take for transportation?
A tutu train

#311

I’m not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change.

#370

The seven dwarfs were in the bath feeling happy so he got out.

#33

What do you call a guy with a rabbit up his butt?
Warren

#125

My party trick is swallowing two peices of string and an hour later they come out of my arse tied together. I shit you knot.

#584

I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!

#710

I really hate those people who knock at your door and tell you how you need to be ‘saved’ or you’ll ‘burn.’
Stupid firemen.

#48

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they’re so good at it!

#559

At what age do you think it’s appropriate to tell a highway it’s adopted?

#659

Marketing companies should use chromosomes in advertisements because sex cells

#161

What do you call an artist with a brown finger? Picassole

#890

What do you call a snobbish prisoner going down the stairs?
A condescending con descending

#564

Where are average things manufactured?
The satisfactory

#400

My girlfriend left me because she couldn’t handle my OCD. I told her to close the door five times on her way out.

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