If we get rid of all the margarine the world will be a butter place.


What do ballerinas take for transportation?
A tutu train


I’m not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change.


The seven dwarfs were in the bath feeling happy so he got out.


What do you call a guy with a rabbit up his butt?


My party trick is swallowing two peices of string and an hour later they come out of my arse tied together. I shit you knot.


I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!


I really hate those people who knock at your door and tell you how you need to be ‘saved’ or you’ll ‘burn.’
Stupid firemen.


Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they’re so good at it!


At what age do you think it’s appropriate to tell a highway it’s adopted?


Marketing companies should use chromosomes in advertisements because sex cells


What do you call an artist with a brown finger? Picassole


What do you call a snobbish prisoner going down the stairs?
A condescending con descending


Where are average things manufactured?
The satisfactory


My girlfriend left me because she couldn’t handle my OCD. I told her to close the door five times on her way out.

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