What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Snowballs.

I was watching a marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: ‘This could be interesting’

My ex-girlfriend still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.

What’s the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer goes *whack* “damn” and a skydiver goes “damn” *whack*

I’m pretty sober.
But I’m prettier drunk

I told my wife she drew her eyebrows on too high. She looked surprised.

An African-American guy and a Mexican guy opened a restaurant. It’s called Nacho Mama.

I just found out that the guy who stole my private diary has died.
My thoughts are with his family.

Little Red Riding Hood found in a critical condition. Paramedics have stabilised her condition, but she’s not out of the woods yet.

My dad said, always leave them wanting more.
Ironically, that’s how he lost his job in disaster relief.

I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous!

Yeah, it was on Fry Day, I can’t believe they got killed for the halibut. No motive, someone should seas the culprit. I’m crabby bout it all

Best Summer Vacation Book Never Written: “Where to Stay on Vacation” by Moe Tell.

I was mugged by an acupuncturist yesterday – the mongrel stabbed me 236 times.
Mind you, when I woke up this morning I felt amazing.

It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it.

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn’t concentrate.

What do squirrels give for Valentine’s Day? Forget-me-nuts.

What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison? A small medium at large

What’s long and hard and has cum in it?
A cucumber