“I stand corrected,” said the man in the orthopedic shoes.

Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory? It was a real tragedy, 100 soles were lost.

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says “Hey, we have a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says “You have a drink named Steve?”

Which dinosaur knew the most words?
The thesaurus.

The year 2020 is going to be filled with so many puns about perfect vision

I can just see it now.

Today I saw a golf buggy parked in a disabled bay and thought to myself, “I wonder what his handicap is?”

Why did everyone want to hang out with the mushroom? Because he was a fungi.

If canola oil comes from canola, where does baby oil come from?

Frankly, auto correct, I’m getting tired of your shirt.

Why do blonde girls walk in groups of odd numbers? Because they can’t even!

What religion are baby cows? Calf-lic.

I thought I understood the meaning of “When Pigs Fly” but then… the swine flu.

Where does seaweed look for a job?
in the kelp-wanted ads

Once I found out masturbating was an addiction, I just knew that I had no choice but to beat it.

Why do blondes tip-toe past medicine cabinets?
So they don’t wake up the sleeping pills

My wife said that if I don’t get off my computer and do the dishes she’ll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think she’s jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn

Where are average things manufactured?
The satisfactory

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta

What’s it like being in a vacuum cleaner? It sucks