#799
Dad: Son, I don’t think you’re cut out to be a mime artist
Son: Was it something I said?
Dad: Yes
Dad: Son, I don’t think you’re cut out to be a mime artist
Son: Was it something I said?
Dad: Yes
What do the movies titanic and the sixth sense have in common.
Icy dead people.
What do you call a potato wearing glasses?
A spectater
It’s bad luck to be superstitious.
I was playing Frisbee with my dog in the park today, but it didn’t go well.
I think I need to get a flatter dog.
I miss my umbilical cord. Must have grown attached to it
Did you hear about the butcher who backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work.
A bear walked into a bar and says, “I’ll have a beer……and some of those peanuts.” The bartender says, “Why the big pause?”
What jam can’t you eat?
Traffic
Did you hear about the theme park ride made entirely out of iron?
It was a ferrous wheel
I had a dream last night that I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.
What do you call dental x-rays?
Tooth pics
What do ballerinas take for transportation?
A tutu train
My wife is complaining that I never buy her jewellery. To be fair, I didn’t even know she sold jewellery.
Our cat was just sick on the carpet. I don’t think its feline well.
A woman goes into a bar and asks for a “double entendre”. So the bartender gave her one.
what is a pirates favorite letter?
It be the C
A philosopher says to a linguist “What if, instead of periods, women had apostrophes?”
The linguist replied, “They’d be more possessive and have more frequent contractions.”
How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler
How do billboards communicate?
Sign language