What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.

Shouldn’t pregnant women be called body builders?

It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it.

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran

What’s the importance of capitalization? You can either help your Uncle Jack off a horse or help your uncle jack off a horse

Santa’s elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put it in the microwave until it’s Bill Withers.

Relationships between men and women is psychological.
She is psycho and he is logical.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

Which dinosaur knew the most words?
The thesaurus.

So this bloke just came up to me & said i’ve just spilt my scrabble set on the road. I asked “Whats the word on the street?”

Waitress: ‘Do u have any questions about the menu?’ Me: ‘What kind of font is this?’

The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travellers in here.”
A time traveller walks into a bar.

Why do blondes tip-toe past medicine cabinets?
So they don’t wake up the sleeping pills

I broke a can opener. It’s a can’t opener now.

A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the ‘brella’. But he hesitated.

What do you call dental x-rays?
Tooth pics