#450
I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
My friend has been a limo driver for 25 years and has never had a customer.
All that time and nothing to chauffeur it
What do you call someone who sells their body for a bowl of spaghetti? A pastatute!
Police are looking for a guy who threatens his victims with a lit match.
They need to catch him before he strikes again
Whenever I pass someone texting and driving, I throw my beer at their window
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I’m seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd this week and I have to say I’m really disappointed.
My kids have been throwing Scrabble tiles at each other again.
it’s all fun and games until someone loses an i.
My wife said I never listen to her. Or something like that.
I burnt My Hawaiian pizza today…
I should’ve cooked it on aloha temperature
I slapped Dwayne Johnson’s butt.
I guess I’ve hit Rock Bottom.
When my wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo I had to put my foot down
About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went down hill fast.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication
What does a panda ghost eat? Bam-BOO!
What computer sings the best?
A Dell
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up
I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn’t complain
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.
Why don’t the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe