I love the F5 key. It´s just so refreshing.

What type of bears live in the north and south poles?
Bi-polar

What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn’t moved a muscle in over a year?
Atrophy.

Pick up line: “Are you a beaver because damn!”

A Russian spy, a sexual predator, and a billionaire walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What can I get you, Mr. President?”

Did you hear about the horse and pig that are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship

Scared the postman today by going to the door naked.
I’m not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived.

When I think of books, I touch my shelf.

What do you call a guy with his legs cut off at the knees?
Neil

A handicapped guy stole my wallet.
He can hide but he can’t run

There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.

Only a fraction of people will find this funny.

Some people appreciate these kinds of jokes and some don’t – the division is clear.

I’m in awe. My buddy just used a snail as a key to start up his sedan…

It made escargot.

A termite walks into a bar and says “where’s the bar tender”

Give a Nigerian a fish he’ll eat for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish and he’ll become a prince and start e-mailing people

I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup.
It was Won Ton.

A giraffe walks into a bar and says, “The highballs are on me.”

I should have been sad when my flashlight batteries died, but I was delighted.