Ice hockey is basically just guys wearing knife shoes fighting each other with long sticks for the last Oreo.

You know what often gets overlooked? Fences.

They should make a Minecraft movie, it would be a blockbuster!

A philosopher says to a linguist “What if, instead of periods, women had apostrophes?”

The linguist replied, “They’d be more possessive and have more frequent contractions.”

Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?

You know mountains aren’t just funny, they are hill areas

My wife is leaving me because I’m going bald.

I’m not bothered, it’s hair loss.

My deaf girlfriend was talking in her sleep last night. She nearly took my eye out.

If you spent your day in a well, can you say your day was well-spent?

Celine Dion walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Those long face jokes are so mean. Let me buy you a drink”

Marketing companies should use chromosomes in advertisements because sex cells

Just got sacked from my job as a dishwasher. I kept putting the plates and bowls in the wrong order. The boss reckons I am dishlexic.

One day you’re the next best thing to sliced bread.
The next, you’re toast.

How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb?
Let’s go play on our bikes

My doctor took one look at my gut and refused to believe that I work out. So I listed the exercises I do every day: jump to conclusions, climb the walls, drag my heels, push my luck, make mountains out of molehills, bend over backward, run around in circles, put my foot in my mouth, go over the edge, and beat around the bush.

“I stand corrected,” said the man in the orthopedic shoes.