#383
How many south Americans does it take to change a light bulb? A Brazilian
#512
If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup technically a smoothie?
#397
I bought my friend an elephant for their room.
They said “thank you”
I said “Don’t mention it”
#851
What’s an epileptics favourite food? Seizure salad
#543
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally!
#289
A joke is like sex. Neither is any good if you don’t get it.
#33
What do you call a guy with a rabbit up his butt?
Warren
#160
The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
#47
Two peanuts walked down the street. One of them was a salted
#86
My honey farmer friend has a thing for big butts. I suppose Booty is in the eye of the bee-holder.
#218
Arguing with my wife is like reading the software licencing agreement. In the end, you ignore everything and click “I agree”.
#440
I was lonely so I bought some shares. It’s nice to have a bit of company
#675
A plateau is the highest form of flattery
#182
A giraffe walks into a bar. “Sorry”, said the barman, “We don’t serve Heineken here.”
#123
I just saw a sign that made me wet myself.
It said “Bathroom Closed”.
#188
Celine Dion walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Those long face jokes are so mean. Let me buy you a drink”
#535
How is cat food sold?
Purr can
#786
Interviewer asked me if I’d make a good waiter.
Let’s just say I can bring a lot to the table
#800
I’d tell you a joke about crops, but it’s a bit corny.
#261
When I think of books, I touch my shelf.