#455

“No, thanks. I’m a vegetarian.” is a fun thing to say when someone hands you their baby.

#820

What did the cleaner say as he jumped out of the closet?
SUPPLIES!

#560

Why did the chicken go to a séance? To communicate with the other side

#437

I got banned from a secret cooking society for spilling the beans

#725

Queue is just Q followed by four silent letters waiting their turn

#776

What do you call two guys sitting in a windowsill?
Kurt and Rod

#385

My friend dug a hole in the garden and filled it with water. I think he meant well.

#288

I told my wife I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti. She couldn’t believe it when I rode pasta.

#253

37 consonants, 25 vowels, a question mark, and a comma went to court.
They will be sentenced next Friday.

#344

Why don’t helicopters fly in the morning? Twirly

#612

My first day on the job at an IKEA store, I was told by my boss that employees needed to go to the meeting room before every shift. I asked why. He said, “Assembly required.”

#539

Why do blondes tip-toe past medicine cabinets?
So they don’t wake up the sleeping pills

#289

A joke is like sex. Neither is any good if you don’t get it.

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