You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and its cold


How do you drown a hipster?
Throw him into the mainstream


What do you call a guy with a rabbit up his butt?


Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s time consuming


Last night me and my wife watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the TV.


My wife said “Black really is slimming on you, you’ve never looked sexier”.
I said “Turn the light back onโ€.


What do ballerinas take for transportation?
A tutu train


What do you call people who illegally use restrooms? Squatters.


Blonde: โ€œWhat does IDK mean?โ€

Brunette: โ€œI donโ€™t know.โ€

Blonde: โ€œOMG, nobody does!โ€


If you’re here for the yodeling lesson, please form an orderly orderly orderly orderly queue.


What do you call a woman that sets her bills on fire? Bernadette


Why don’t flies go to church?
Because they’re in sects

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