#202
A termite walks into a bar and says “where’s the bar tender”
#206
Is it bad to tell knock knock jokes to homeless people?
#298
I bet the butcher $50 that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, “No, the steaks are too high.”
#463
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
#883
I don’t get people who stumble into mirrors. They need to watch themselves.
#234
I’ve recently quit my job as a butler.
I refuse to be ordered around in that manor.
#201
A bear walked into a bar and says, “I’ll have a beer……and some of those peanuts.” The bartender says, “Why the big pause?”
#211
A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, “Anything you say can and will be held against you.” The man replies, “Boobs!”
#303
There was a snake crossing a highway and a truck ran over its ass. The snake went back to get its ass and a truck ran over its head. The moral of the story is, “Don’t lose your head over a piece of ass.”
#668
I am frustrated than a dragon trying to blow out candles.
#72
What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.
#308
The invisible man and invisible woman had children… they weren’t much to look at
#170
How many Emo kids does it take to change a light bulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry
#792
My wife screamed “Ugh you haven’t heard a word I said, have you!?”
What a strange way to start a conversation
#147
I remember last summer I was so excited when the water restrictions were lifted I wet my plants.
#796
My mate just got fired from the mint factory.
His wife went absolutely menthol
#441
My wife said that if I don’t get off my computer and do the dishes she’ll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think she’s jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn
#547
I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium got together and I was like… “OMg”
#662
Santa’s elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
#786
Interviewer asked me if I’d make a good waiter.
Let’s just say I can bring a lot to the table
