#109

I was cleaning one of my finger guns and accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.

#550

What do you call a sketchy Italian neighbourhood?
A Spaghetto

#871

What did the bra say to the hat?
You go on a head Iโ€™m gonna give these two a lift

#264

Did you hear about the butcher who backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work.

#389

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be called bagels

#58

I don’t know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail.

#679

I burnt My Hawaiian pizza today…

I should’ve cooked it on aloha temperature

#514

The Lord of the Rings is basically about a group that spends nine hours returning jewellery

#254

A guy goes to a doctor because heโ€™s got a strawberry growing out of his chest. The doctor looks and examines and finally says, โ€œLet me give you some cream to put on it.โ€

#293

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication

#315

I wasnโ€™t particularly close to my dad before he died…
Which was lucky, because he trod on a landmine.

#850

Nothing makes me more suspicious than an unsolicited compliment.

#92

I tried walking up a hill without a watch but had neither the time nor the inclination.

#435

I recently got a new Korean mechanic but it’s hard to understand him – he speaks with a Hyundai Accent!

#56

A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

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