What do you call a Mexican with a vasectomy?
A dry Martinez

I was watching a marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: ‘This could be interesting’

A giraffe walks into a bar and says, “The highballs are on me.”

How did the farmer find his wife?

He tractor down.

I’m so introverted I won’t even talk to myself.

My wife was in labor with our first child when suddenly she began to shout, “Shouldn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t, didn’t, can’t!”

“Doc, what’s wrong with my wife?” I asked.

“Nothing” he said. “She’s just having contractions.”

Why don’t the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe

Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear quite bright – until you hear them talk.

If we get rid of all the margarine the world will be a butter place.

Today I saw a golf buggy parked in a disabled bay and thought to myself, “I wonder what his handicap is?”

What did the cow say to her calf?
It’s pasture bed time

What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator.

Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize.

Who is the best king fu vegetable?
Brocc Lee

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the toilet? Because it has a silent p

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever thought about your X and wondered Y?

What did the NSA analyst say to his co-worker when their female colleague walked past?
“I’d tap that”

I tried walking up a hill without a watch but had neither the time nor the inclination.

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran