The rotation of earth really makes my day.

Did you hear about the short-sighted circumciser?
He got the sack

What is invisible and smells like worms?
Bird farts

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

I met my wife at an Arthritis support meeting.
You know when two people just click.

My wife asked me to join her for yoga class. I said “Namaste home”

Velociraptor = Distance raptor / Time raptor

How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool

The best way to carve wood is whittle by whittle

I asked my wife “What do you want me to do with this big roll of bubble wrap?”
She said “Just pop it in the corner”.
It took me 4 hours.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta

My dad always told me “Don’t be quick to find faults”.
Good man, terrible geologist.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure

So apparently RSVP’ing back to a wedding invite ‘maybe next time’ isn’t the correct response.

I used to be a carpenter until I accidentally sat on my hammer, now I have hammeroids.

What’s the worst thing about ancient history class?
The teachers tend to Babylon

My wife is complaining that I never buy her jewellery. To be fair, I didn’t even know she sold jewellery.

How Long is a Chinese man’s name.

No, it actually is.