If iron man and the silver surfer team up, they’ll be alloys

The seven dwarfs were in the bath feeling happy so he got out.

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad I take something for it

Hedgehogs — why can’t they just share the hedge

My doctor took one look at my gut and refused to believe that I work out. So I listed the exercises I do every day: jump to conclusions, climb the walls, drag my heels, push my luck, make mountains out of molehills, bend over backward, run around in circles, put my foot in my mouth, go over the edge, and beat around the bush.

What’s the leading cause of dry skin? Towels

If you’re looking for quality, never buy fireworks from a guy with more than seven fingers.

My friend has got a butler who only has one arm.
Serves him right.

Doctor, I feel like a wigwam and a teepee. Trouble is, you’re too tense.

A bill collector came to my house the other day, so I gave him a huge stack of old bills

What is the first thing Santa’s elves have to learn?
The Elfabet

Can’t believe they fired me from the clock factory after all the extra hours I put in

A giraffe walks into a bar. “Sorry”, said the barman, “We don’t serve Heineken here.”

What part of a vegetable do cannibals struggle to eat?
The wheelchair

You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

There’s a new shaver designed for dyslexics.
It’s the best thing since sliced beard.

There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.