#878
What type of bears live in the north and south poles?
Bi-polar
#124
My cousin drowned. At his funeral we laid a life jacket on his coffin.
It’s what he would have wanted.
#502
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the physco path.
#503
When a deaf person sees someone yawn do they think it’s a scream?
#377
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off.
#780
Whats the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
#784
What do you call a business cow?
An entrepe-moo-er
#40
What do you call a woman with no legs? Nolene
#811
When is a door not a door?
When it’s ajar
#446
My wife says I can join your gang but I have to be home by 9.
#518
We need a 12-step group for compulsive talkers. They could call it On Anon Anon.
#740
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
#651
A dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa
#354
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.
#492
The rotation of earth really makes my day.
#346
My wife says I’m too impulsive. But what the hell does she know? She only met me yesterday.
#126
I joined a dyslexic poetry club. At our first meeting I made a vase and an ashtray.
#160
The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
#101
The funeral for the man who invented Chinese whispers will be held on Monday. Pass it on.
#586
As soon as the hospital made me put on one of those little gowns, I knew the end was in sight