It’s a good thing farts aren’t contagious like yawns

What happened to the cannibal that was late to dinner?
He was given the cold shoulder

When he proposed to her. She found it very engaging.

Why does the alcoholic Avon lady walk funny? Because her lips stick.

Two soldiers are in a tank.
One looks at the other and says “BLUBLUBBLUBLUBBLUB”

The thing about dwarfs and midgets is that they have very little in common

People used to laugh at me when I would say “I want to be a comedian”, well nobody’s laughing now.

How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool

Is google a woman? Because it won’t let you finish your sentence without coming up with other suggestions.

I’m hosting a marathon for people with chronic diarrhea. It’s a run for the runs

What do you call a king’s fart?
Noble gas.

I love the F5 key. It´s just so refreshing.

Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.

What do you call a wandering caveman? A meanderthal.

What do ducks wear to weddings? Duxedos

What’s long and hard and has cum in it?
A cucumber

Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I’m driving

“Jesus loves you.”

A nice gesture in church.

A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

Why don’t helicopters fly in the morning? Twirly