There was a big paddle sale at the boat store.
It was quite an oar deal.

I got a photo with R.E.M
That’s me in the corner

I was mugged by an acupuncturist yesterday – the mongrel stabbed me 236 times.
Mind you, when I woke up this morning I felt amazing.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up

There are only 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don’t

Why did the pig stop sunbathing? He was bacon in the heat

What do bees do with their honey? They cell it.

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the batmobile?
“Get in the batmobile”

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.
not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

I saw a bishop the other day. Wondered why he wasn’t walking diagonally

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one. He’s never gonna give you Up

I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech’ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter ‘Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite’.

A termite walks into a bar and says “where’s the bar tender”

Why is life in North Korea so hard? Because North Korea lost its Seoul.

There are 2 rules for success:
1. Don’t tell all you know.

What do you call a woman with no legs? Nolene

My doctors office has two doctors on call at all times. Is that considered a pair a docs.

What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.