I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn’t complain

A Chinese kid was born before the due date.
Parents named him Sudden Lee.

I had the most amazing orange the other day

It was a class above the zest

The seven dwarfs were in the bath feeling happy so he got out.

There are only 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don’t

I didn’t like my beard at first but then it grew on me.

I’ve just finished reading a book called “How To Give Constructive Criticism.”
It was rubbish.

You used asbestos in that wall?
That was asbestos I could do.

What does a baby computer call his dad?
Data

I was playing Frisbee with my dog in the park today, but it didn’t go well.
I think I need to get a flatter dog.

The Man Who Created Autocorrect Has Died. Resturant In Peace.

What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk

What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.

I’m in awe. My buddy just used a snail as a key to start up his sedan…

It made escargot.

Age is just the number of hours I’m hungover for.

What did the hat say to the hat rack?
You stay here I’m going on a head

What do bees do with their honey? They cell it.

I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do *not* read it!

The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

At what age do you think it’s appropriate to tell a highway it’s adopted?