A joke is like sex. Neither is any good if you don’t get it.

I broke a can opener. It’s a can’t opener now.

Just got sacked from my job as a dishwasher. I kept putting the plates and bowls in the wrong order. The boss reckons I am dishlexic.

What is invisible and smells like worms?
Bird farts

What do you call an Asian man who always has the correct change?
Exact Lee

I was playing Frisbee with my dog in the park today, but it didn’t go well.
I think I need to get a flatter dog.

Marketing companies should use chromosomes in advertisements because sex cells

“Give me a sentence about a public servant” the teacher instructed her second-grade student.
“The fireman came down the ladder pregnant” he answered.
“Umm … Do you know what pregnant means?”
“Yes” said the boy. “It means carrying a child”

How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler

At what age do you think it’s appropriate to tell a highway it’s adopted?

We need a 12-step group for compulsive talkers. They could call it On Anon Anon.

I’m so introverted I won’t even talk to myself.

When he proposed to her. She found it very engaging.

Which dinosaur knew the most words?
The thesaurus.

What did Michael Jackson call his denim store?
Billie Jeans

I still remember the day the scented candle shop I worked at burned to the ground.

Everyone was so calm…..

How does the solar system hold up its trousers? With an asteroid belt

I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia?
She whispered, “They’re behind you”.