I’ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.

3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you ‘handsome’, don’t take it as a compliment!

Marketing companies should use chromosomes in advertisements because sex cells

A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.

Can’t believe they fired me from the clock factory after all the extra hours I put in

Is google a woman? Because it won’t let you finish your sentence without coming up with other suggestions.

You know what often gets overlooked? Fences.

What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway)

My cousin drowned. At his funeral we laid a life jacket on his coffin.
It’s what he would have wanted.

What did the remote say to the TV? You turn me on.

What do you get when giraffes collide?
A giraffic jam

What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly-squats.

My kids have been throwing Scrabble tiles at each other again.

it’s all fun and games until someone loses an i.

Puts the car into reverse.
“Ah, this takes me back”

Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything.

Hedgehogs — why can’t they just share the hedge

Why didn’t the vampire attack Taylor Swift?
She had Bad Blood

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

What does a baby computer call his dad?
Data

Pick up line: “Are you a beaver because damn!”