What part of a vegetable do cannibals struggle to eat?
The wheelchair

Velociraptor = Distance raptor / Time raptor

So this bloke just came up to me & said i’ve just spilt my scrabble set on the road. I asked “Whats the word on the street?”

A giraffe walks into a bar. “Sorry”, said the barman, “We don’t serve Heineken here.”

Currently the flower business is blooming.

With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.

If you spent your day in a well, can you say your day was well-spent?

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.

What do squirrels give for Valentine’s Day? Forget-me-nuts.

I told my wife I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti. She couldn’t believe it when I rode pasta.

I had an argument with one of the seven dwarfs. He wasn’t happy

What sits at the bottom of the ocean shivering?
A nervous wreck

A horse walks into a bar, across the room, up the back wall, across the ceiling, down the front wall and then up to the bar. The bartender gives the horse a beer, he drinks it and leaves. A guy sitting at the bar looks perplexed and asks the bartender “Hey, what’s that all about?” The bartender replies, “Don’t take it personally, he never says ‘Hi’ to anyone.”

I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says, “The Titanic is syncing”

It’d be frustrating if you seriously couldn’t find your friend Marco at a crowded swimming pool.

The first 5 days after the weekend are the hardest

When I was a child my father attacked me with cameras.
I still have flashbacks

What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway)