How do you get down from an elephant?
You don’t. You get down from a goose

What did one lumber jack say to another lumber jack?
“I need to axe you a question”

Last night me and my wife watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the TV.

As soon as the hospital made me put on one of those little gowns, I knew the end was in sight

I felt so bad today…I saw this sad dog without a tail. Luckily, his owner was taking him to the retail store.

What did the sushi say to the bee?
Wasabi

Santa’s elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.

There was a big paddle sale at the boat store.
It was quite an oar deal.

In any argument, a wife has the last word. Anything the husband says after that last word is the beginning of a new argument.

My jokes are still in alpha

Hopefully soon they’ll get beta

So apparently RSVP’ing back to a wedding invite ‘maybe next time’ isn’t the correct response.

I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off

Several guys are sitting around having a drink and one guy says “My wife’s an angel” another guy says “Your lucky, mines still alive.”

What do you call dental x-rays?
Tooth pics

My wife’s been staring through the window ever since it started snowing. If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in.

I, for one, like Roman numerals

There are so many scams on the Internet these days…. but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them.