Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive?
It was a grave mistake.

How do Mexicans stay warm in winter? Fajitas

What do you call a guy with a rabbit up his butt?
Warren

I used to be a lifeguard, but this blue kid got me fired.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

I threw an Asian man down a flight of stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.

I had the most amazing orange the other day

It was a class above the zest

I love the F5 key. It´s just so refreshing.

What happened to the cannibal that was late to dinner?
He was given the cold shoulder

Why did the pig stop sunbathing? He was bacon in the heat

How did the farmer find his wife?

He tractor down.

Why don’t helicopters fly in the morning? Twirly

I’m not saying your perfume is too strong. I’m just saying the canary was alive before you got here.

“Jesus loves you.”

A nice gesture in church.

A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

I have two boys, 5 and 6. We’re no good at naming things in our house.

Queue is just Q followed by four silent letters waiting their turn

Hung a picture up on the wall the other day. Nailed it.

RIP boiled water. You will be mist.

I still remember the day the scented candle shop I worked at burned to the ground.

Everyone was so calm…..

There’s no “i” in denial