What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Dung!

Something about subtraction just doesn’t add up

Can a woman make you a millionaire?
Yes, if you’re a billionaire

There was a snake crossing a highway and a truck ran over its ass. The snake went back to get its ass and a truck ran over its head. The moral of the story is, “Don’t lose your head over a piece of ass.”

Several guys are sitting around having a drink and one guy says “My wife’s an angel” another guy says “Your lucky, mines still alive.”

What do bees do with their honey? They cell it.

I had an argument with one of the seven dwarfs. He wasn’t happy

I called the vet to complain about a bill. He just put the phone down. As quickly and humanely as possible.

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said ‘No change yet’.

Yeah, it was on Fry Day, I can’t believe they got killed for the halibut. No motive, someone should seas the culprit. I’m crabby bout it all

A Russian spy, a sexual predator, and a billionaire walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What can I get you, Mr. President?”

Sheepdog: All 50 sheep are accounted for, boss.
Farmer: But I only had 49?
Sheepdog: Yeah I know. I rounded them up.

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot

What do dinosaurs pay their bills with?
Tyrannosaurus Cheques

Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day? Sure, they’re very scent-imental!

They should make a Minecraft movie, it would be a blockbuster!

I broke a can opener. It’s a can’t opener now.