#732

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore.

When you swim in a creek and an eel bites your cheek, that’s a moray.

#288

I told my wife I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti. She couldn’t believe it when I rode pasta.

#896

One of the elves left the North Pole to join a gang and sell drugs.
Heโ€™s a rebel without a Claus

#27

I named my hard drive “dat ass” so once a month my computer asks if I want to back dat ass up

#175

Why did the pig stop sunbathing? He was bacon in the heat

#360

My jokes are still in alpha

Hopefully soon they’ll get beta

#191

A horse walks into a bar, across the room, up the back wall, across the ceiling, down the front wall and then up to the bar. The bartender gives the horse a beer, he drinks it and leaves. A guy sitting at the bar looks perplexed and asks the bartender “Hey, what’s that all about?” The bartender replies, “Don’t take it personally, he never says ‘Hi’ to anyone.”

#416

I had a dream last night that I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.

#818

How much beer does it take to get a tropical bird drunk?
Toucans

#493

I got fired from my job as a chef for stealing kitchen equipment. It’s a whisk I was willing to take.

#396

I lost my licence so I bought a vintage Rolls Royce because I thought it came with a driver. It didn’t. So I spent all that money and I’ve got nothing to chauffeur it.

#883

I don’t get people who stumble into mirrors. They need to watch themselves.

#201

A bear walked into a bar and says, “I’ll have a beer……and some of those peanuts.” The bartender says, “Why the big pause?”

#765

I have only seen people underwhelmed or overwhelmed, never whelmed properly.

#563

A farmer counted 196 cows in the field. But when he rounded them up, he had 200

#237

How does the solar system hold up its trousers? With an asteroid belt

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