When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore.

When you swim in a creek and an eel bites your cheek, that’s a moray.

I told my wife I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti. She couldn’t believe it when I rode pasta.

One of the elves left the North Pole to join a gang and sell drugs.
He’s a rebel without a Claus

What kind of train eats a lot?
A chew chew train

I named my hard drive “dat ass” so once a month my computer asks if I want to back dat ass up

Why did the pig stop sunbathing? He was bacon in the heat

My jokes are still in alpha

Hopefully soon they’ll get beta

Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience

A horse walks into a bar, across the room, up the back wall, across the ceiling, down the front wall and then up to the bar. The bartender gives the horse a beer, he drinks it and leaves. A guy sitting at the bar looks perplexed and asks the bartender “Hey, what’s that all about?” The bartender replies, “Don’t take it personally, he never says ‘Hi’ to anyone.”

I had a dream last night that I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.

What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
Synonym rolls

I got fired from my job as a chef for stealing kitchen equipment. It’s a whisk I was willing to take.

I lost my licence so I bought a vintage Rolls Royce because I thought it came with a driver. It didn’t. So I spent all that money and I’ve got nothing to chauffeur it.

I don’t get people who stumble into mirrors. They need to watch themselves.

A bear walked into a bar and says, “I’ll have a beer……and some of those peanuts.” The bartender says, “Why the big pause?”

I have only seen people underwhelmed or overwhelmed, never whelmed properly.

A farmer counted 196 cows in the field. But when he rounded them up, he had 200

Your mammas not fat. She’s just… easier to see

How does the solar system hold up its trousers? With an asteroid belt