#865

What happened to the cannibal that was late to dinner?
He was given the cold shoulder

#834

Psychologist: Can you describe yourself in two words?
Me: Lazy.

#196

Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.

#491

I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen.

#879

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says “Hey, we have a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says “You have a drink named Steve?”

#613

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says “Do you smell fish?”

#519

Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.

#2

What’s the internal temperature of a Tauntaun?
Luke warm

#479

Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

#790

One of my mates is selling his budgie.
Unfortunately it’s not going cheap

#751

Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.

#256

Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend off the wall? So he could see her crack!

#579

What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral

#360

My jokes are still in alpha

Hopefully soon they’ll get beta

#115

There’s a new shaver designed for dyslexics.
It’s the best thing since sliced beard.

#184

A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason… details are sketchy.

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