Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan

I’m not passive aggressive. Unlike some people.

i thought i got a type a in blood test but it was actually a typ-o

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

What do pimps and farmers have in common? They both need a hoe to stay in business

A guy goes to a doctor because he’s got a strawberry growing out of his chest. The doctor looks and examines and finally says, “Let me give you some cream to put on it.”

A horse walks into a bar, across the room, up the back wall, across the ceiling, down the front wall and then up to the bar. The bartender gives the horse a beer, he drinks it and leaves. A guy sitting at the bar looks perplexed and asks the bartender “Hey, what’s that all about?” The bartender replies, “Don’t take it personally, he never says ‘Hi’ to anyone.”

What do you call a gay milkman? A Dairy Queen

A jumper cable walked into a bar, the bartender said “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything!”

I don’t know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail.

I had an argument with one of the seven dwarfs. He wasn’t happy

How do you count cows? With a cowculater.

My deaf girlfriend was talking in her sleep last night. She nearly took my eye out.

What do you get when giraffes collide?
A giraffic jam

I’m in awe. My buddy just used a snail as a key to start up his sedan…

It made escargot.

What do you call an academically successful slice of bread? An honor roll.