I used to be in a band, we were called ‘lost dog’. You probably saw our posters.

There are plenty of fish in the sea but until you catch one you’re just stuck here holding your rod…

I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears. What am I? Ugly

How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler

It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it.

What do you call an Asian lady with one leg?
Irene

A man was admitted to hospital with a number of toy horses up his backside. His condition is now stable.

What did the DNA say to the other DNA?

“Do these genes make me look fat?”

I bet the butcher $50 that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, “No, the steaks are too high.”

What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn’t moved a muscle in over a year?
Atrophy.

Where do pencils go on vacation? Pencilvania

Yo mamma is so fat that when she sat on a laptop, the hardware turned into software!

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

A baby seal walks into a club.

My wife said that if I don’t get off my computer and do the dishes she’ll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think she’s jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn

Did you hear about the short-sighted circumciser?
He got the sack

Does a dolphin ever do something by accident? No, they do everything on porpoise.

My honey farmer friend has a thing for big butts. I suppose Booty is in the eye of the bee-holder.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

PMS jokes aren’t funny. Period.