What do you call a gay milkman? A Dairy Queen

You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and its cold

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

A Chinese couple had a black baby and named it SumTing Wong.

What did the remote say to the TV? You turn me on.

Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.

“Jesus loves you.”

A nice gesture in church.

A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

What do you call Watson when Sherlock isn’t around? Holmeless.

What do the movies titanic and the sixth sense have in common.
Icy dead people.

My wifi has stopped working. Turns out our neighbours hadn’t paid the bill. Tightarses.

If you’re here for the yodeling lesson, please form an orderly orderly orderly orderly queue.

Did you know I was bilingual? Yeah I speak English and profanity

I wasn’t particularly close to my dad before he died…
Which was lucky, because he trod on a landmine.

What do you call a magic dog? A Labracadabrador.

Last night me and my wife watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the TV.

A horse walks into a bar. Several patrons get up and leave as they recognise the potential danger in the situation

What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.

I dreamt I wrote the Hobbit the other night. I think I was Tolkien in my sleep.

Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny..