My dad said, always leave them wanting more.
Ironically, that’s how he lost his job in disaster relief.

When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.

Where do fish work? The offish.

NSA Pickup Line #2:
I know exactly where you have been all my life

What do you call someone who sells their body for a bowl of spaghetti? A pastatute!

What’s the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup.
It was Won Ton.

What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store?
Guardians of the Galaxy.

When does a sandwich cook?
When it’s bakin lettuce and tomato

You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart

What do you call a wandering caveman? A meanderthal.

What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.

There was a big paddle sale at the boat store.
It was quite an oar deal.

I was mugged by an acupuncturist yesterday – the mongrel stabbed me 236 times.
Mind you, when I woke up this morning I felt amazing.

What’s the internal temperature of a Tauntaun?
Luke warm

An African-American guy and a Mexican guy opened a restaurant. It’s called Nacho Mama.

Did you hear about the houses falling in love? It was a lawn-distance relationship.

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn’t complain

What does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles