What’s the leading cause of dry skin? Towels

A donkey fell into a bowl of sugar. Now that’s a sweet ass!!

Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.

And the best neckwear award goes to…
Oh wait. It’s a tie.

I’ve just found out one of my mates works as a mime artist. He’s kept that quiet.

I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup.
It was Won Ton.

Hung a picture up on the wall the other day. Nailed it.

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth, then it just becomes a soap opera.

How many Emo kids does it take to change a light bulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry

What do you call somebody with body and just a nose? Nobody nose!

My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. We didn’t see eye to eye. I also found out she was seeing someone on the side.

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever thought about your X and wondered Y?

What do you call a three-legged donkey? A wonkey.

My wife left me because I sold her wheelchair. I knew she’d come crawling back

How does an evil cow laugh? Moohaha

My party trick is swallowing two peices of string and an hour later they come out of my arse tied together. I shit you knot.

Who is the best king fu vegetable?
Brocc Lee