Times New Roman walks into a bar. The barman says “Get out of here! We don’t serve your type.”

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

An SEO guy walks into a bar, pub, inn, tavern, hotel, public house, brew house, beer hall, bodega, izakaya

I met my wife at an Arthritis support meeting.
You know when two people just click.

What happened to the cannibal that was late to dinner?
He was given the cold shoulder

What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a bike and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?

Attire

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They’re cheaper than day rates.

When he proposed to her. She found it very engaging.

My wife said I never listen to her. Or something like that.

I went to a busy pub last night dressed as a tennis ball.
I got served straight away.

I mean – I appreciate that my friends are doing their best to cheer me up after my diagnosis, but I’ve heard so many cancer jokes today – if I get to hear just tumor I’ll really get mad.

How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb?
Let’s go play on our bikes

How do you drown a hipster?
Throw him into the mainstream

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

Smoking will give you cancer.
Eating bacon will you give you cancer.
But for some reason, smoking bacon will cure it.

I got a photo with R.E.M
That’s me in the corner

I’ve just finished reading a book called “How To Give Constructive Criticism.”
It was rubbish.

I’ve found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters.
It’s shift work.

What to say to a hitch-hiker with just one leg? Hop in.