#159
How many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb? Sex.
#60
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said ‘No change yet’.
#524
Why do husbands die before their wives? They want to.
#438
People are making end of the world jokes like there is no tomorrow.
#628
Frankly, auto correct, I’m getting tired of your shirt.
#271
If a blind woman tells you your penis is big, she’s probably just pulling your leg
#807
If Tinkerbell had a Mexican sister what would her name be?
Taco Bell
#68
My wife told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer.
I said “No wait, I can change!”
#652
So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere
#558
3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you ‘handsome’, don’t take it as a compliment!
#629
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in your fireplace?
Bernie
#385
My friend dug a hole in the garden and filled it with water. I think he meant well.
#125
My party trick is swallowing two peices of string and an hour later they come out of my arse tied together. I shit you knot.
#805
What kind of car does a rich cow drive?
A Cattlelac
#261
When I think of books, I touch my shelf.
#642
Our vet is great. If you take your dog in and you have pet insurance, they give you a courtesy dog for the day.
#34
What do you call a lady with one leg?
Eileen
#753
Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them? So when they dock they can Scandinavian.
#804
What grows under your nose?
Tulips
#429
A Chinese kid was born before the due date.
Parents named him Sudden Lee.