Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.

My wife just broke up with me for talking about video games too much, what a stupid thing to Fallout 4

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying

Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

I’m not passive aggressive. Unlike some people.

How many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb? Sex.

Why was the computer late for work?
He had a slow, hard drive

My kids have been throwing Scrabble tiles at each other again.

it’s all fun and games until someone loses an i.

How do snakes end a fight?
They hiss and make up

What does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever thought about your X and wondered Y?

As soon as the hospital made me put on one of those little gowns, I knew the end was in sight

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

“Children are like a sponge at this age,” I said as I used my neighbour’s toddler to wipe up my beer that he spilled.

A donkey fell into a bowl of sugar. Now that’s a sweet ass!!

What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth, then it just becomes a soap opera.