#406
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
#885
A horse walks into a bar. Several patrons get up and leave as they recognise the potential danger in the situation
#279
Yesterday I saw a keyboard with some missing keys. It ended up killing itself because it lacked self-Ctrl.
#33
What do you call a guy with a rabbit up his butt?
Warren
#643
I’ve just finished reading a book called “How To Give Constructive Criticism.”
It was rubbish.
#527
Have you heard about corduroy pillows?
They’re making headlines.
#828
Did you know that one of the Knights of the Round Table collected taxes?
His name was Sir Charge
#361
What’s Michael Jackson’s favourite painting?
Sha-Mona Lisa
#398
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?
One’s a crusty bus station and the other a busty crustacean
#899
I knew a guy who collected candy canes, they were all in mint condition.
#53
I only trust people who like big butts. They cannot lie.
#122
My wife told me “Sex is better on holiday”.
Worst postcard ever.
#458
My doctors office has two doctors on call at all times. Is that considered a pair a docs.
#831
I was having a dip at the swimming pool when the lifeguard asked, “What have you got there?” I said “Tzatziki”.
#778
What do you call a duck with a drug problem?
A quackhead
#10
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying
#463
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
#609
I did a theatrical performance on puns.
It was a play on words.
#71
A Spanish magician wanted to do a trick. He covered himself with a blanket and counted “Uno… dos…” and he vanished without a tres
#587
Took my dog to a bonfire and as he sat there staring at it blankly I realised he loves sticks. I was burning a giant pile of his toys.