My mate’s sex change operation from male to female went very well.
They did such a good job he’s still trying to reverse out of the hospital car park.

Why do blondes tip-toe past medicine cabinets?
So they don’t wake up the sleeping pills

What’s the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken

1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It’s either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it’s Colin.

I recently got a new Korean mechanic but it’s hard to understand him – he speaks with a Hyundai Accent!

I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the ‘brella’. But he hesitated.

I’m so introverted I won’t even talk to myself.

I am so poor I can’t even pay attention.

A Roman walks into a bar, sticks two fingers up to the barman and says, “Five beers please.”

Today a girl said she recognized me from vegetarian club, but I’m sure I’ve never met herbivore.

Today I saw a golf buggy parked in a disabled bay and thought to myself, “I wonder what his handicap is?”

If pronouncing my b’s as v’s makes me sound Russian, then soviet.

Why didn’t the vampire attack Taylor Swift?
She had Bad Blood

Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.

Why did the mobile phone need glasses?
It lost all its contacts

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals

Why did the Higgs Boson go to church?
For the mass

Little Red Riding Hood found in a critical condition. Paramedics have stabilised her condition, but she’s not out of the woods yet.

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication