#492
The rotation of earth really makes my day.
#855
If you lose your hearing, is it ear replaceable?
#640
My dad was dyslexic. Whenever I swore when growing up, he’d wash my mouth out with soup.
#695
Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one. He’s never gonna give you Up
#352
Two soldiers are in a tank.
One looks at the other and says “BLUBLUBBLUBLUBBLUB”
#456
My boss told me I intimidate my coworkers so I just stared at him until he apologised
#415
I went to a busy pub last night dressed as a tennis ball.
I got served straight away.
#376
Broken Guitar for sale.
No strings attached
#779
What computer sings the best?
A Dell
#271
If a blind woman tells you your penis is big, she’s probably just pulling your leg
#499
Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.
#839
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
#153
I stayed up all night to find out where the sun went, then it dawned on me…
#831
I was having a dip at the swimming pool when the lifeguard asked, “What have you got there?” I said “Tzatziki”.
#87
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
#189
A woman goes into a bar and asks for a “double entendre”. So the bartender gave her one.
#735
Becoming a vegetarian was a huge missed steak
#198
Puts the car into reverse.
“Ah, this takes me back”
#773
I’m so introverted I won’t even talk to myself.
#390
Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees