Give a Nigerian a fish he’ll eat for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish and he’ll become a prince and start e-mailing people

Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

I was lonely so I bought some shares. It’s nice to have a bit of company

What do you call somebody with body and just a nose? Nobody nose!

I got a sext from a redhead: “I’m all alone. Come over. Bring protection.” I took SPF50.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up

If a stranger offers you a piece of candy…take two.

Relationships between men and women is psychological.
She is psycho and he is logical.

Got a new job as a hostage negotiator. Tried to ring in sick but they talked me out of it.

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

I had amnesia once – maybe twice.

I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen.

I once thanked a French guy to death. It was a merci killing.

PMS jokes aren’t funny. Period.

Velociraptor = Distance raptor / Time raptor

I knew a guy who collected candy canes, they were all in mint condition.

I’ve recently quit my job as a butler.

I refuse to be ordered around in that manor.

I was thinking about getting a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind