I’m not passive aggressive. Unlike some people.

I bought a cuckoo clock at an army disposals store. Last night at ten o’clock the bird chirped 2200 times.

What does a baby computer call his dad?
Data

What did the blanket say as it fell of the bed?
Oh sheet

What’s the importance of capitalization? You can either help your Uncle Jack off a horse or help your uncle jack off a horse

A farmer counted 196 cows in the field. But when he rounded them up, he had 200

My friend dug a hole in the garden and filled it with water. I think he meant well.

Pick up line: “Are you a beaver because damn!”

What do PCs and air conditioners have in common?
They both become useless when you open windows

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They’re cheaper than day rates.

Have you heard about corduroy pillows?
They’re making headlines.

A hole was found in the wall of a nudist camp. The police are looking into it.

My friend just got a job at the zoo, circumcising elephants. The pay isn’t great but he gets huge tips.

My wife says I can join your gang but I have to be home by 9.

Shout out to my grandma…
That’s the only way she can hear

What’s an epileptics favourite food? Seizure salad

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals

When are holes beautiful? When they’re gorges.