#444
Can a woman make you a millionaire?
Yes, if you’re a billionaire
#675
A plateau is the highest form of flattery
#490
Several guys are sitting around having a drink and one guy says “My wife’s an angel” another guy says “Your lucky, mines still alive.”
#817
A photon checked into a hotel, the staff asked “Hello Mr. Photon, can I help you with your bags?” The photon replied, “No thanks, I’m traveling light.”
#120
“It’s a boy!” I shouted, tears rolling down my face. “I don’t believe it. A boy!” And at that moment I decided I’d never visit Thailand again.
#753
Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them? So when they dock they can Scandinavian.
#103
My ex-wife has lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don’t know what she charges him.
#861
How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree? Wave.
#79
There’s no “i” in denial
#709
I’ve found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters.
It’s shift work.
#741
What does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles
#780
Whats the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
#783
Counting in binary is as easy as 01 10 11
#172
Which dinosaur knew the most words?
The thesaurus.
#870
You used asbestos in that wall?
That was asbestos I could do.
#536
Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
#505
Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.
#549
Why was the computer late for work?
He had a slow, hard drive
#457
You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and its cold
#267
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.