#480
A guy just threw milk at me… How dairy?!
#482
When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, “A very good doctor”
#474
Do not argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
#336
Say what you want about deaf people…
#503
When a deaf person sees someone yawn do they think itâs a scream?
#651
A dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa
#624
Why canât you take inventory in Afghanistan?
Because of the tally ban
#238
Let’s hope the new Jurassic world movie isn’t a train Rex of a film.
#809
How do fish get high?
Seaweed
#226
Little Red Riding Hood found in a critical condition. Paramedics have stabilised her condition, but she’s not out of the woods yet.
#339
At any given moment the urge to sing, âThe Lion Sleeps Tonightâ is just a whim away. A whim away. A whim away.
#379
Shout out to my grandma…
That’s the only way she can hear
#28
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it
#658
I may not be getting lucky tonight, but I’m definitely banging my snooze button in the morning.
#353
Did you hear about the murder at the fish shop the other day!!
2 fish got battered to death
#286
Pick up line: “Are you a beaver because damn!”
#330
They say make up sex is the bestâŚ
Which is lucky, because all my sex is made up.
#800
Iâd tell you a joke about crops, but itâs a bit corny.
#803
When I was younger I felt like a man trapped inside a womanâs body.
Then I was born
#588
When I was a child my father attacked me with cameras.
I still have flashbacks