Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.

What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB

My colleague can no longer attend next weeks Innuendo Seminar so I have to fill her slot instead.

Our cat was just sick on the carpet. I don’t think its feline well.

What does cheese say when it sees itself in the mirror? Halloumi

‘I hate tacos’ said no Juan ever

What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish

I’m addicted to brake fluid but I can stop whenever I want

Why don’t flies go to church?
Because they’re in sects

Sheepdog: All 50 sheep are accounted for, boss.
Farmer: But I only had 49?
Sheepdog: Yeah I know. I rounded them up.

Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

A donkey fell into a bowl of sugar. Now that’s a sweet ass!!

Where does Buzz Lightyear go furniture shopping at? Bed, Bath, and BEYOND!

Hedgehogs — why can’t they just share the hedge

I just realised that I haven’t done the hokey pokey in over 10 years. I guess when you get older, you just forget what it’s all about.

What did one lumber jack say to another lumber jack?
“I need to axe you a question”

There are so many scams on the Internet these days…. but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them.

How many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb? Sex.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.