Where does seaweed look for a job?
in the kelp-wanted ads

There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can’t.

Did you hear about the short-sighted circumciser?
He got the sack

What do you call a pastry with diamonds? A stud muffin

The best way to carve wood is whittle by whittle

How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
He felt his presents

When a deaf person sees someone yawn do they think it’s a scream?

Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day? Sure, they’re very scent-imental!

I’m close friends with 25 letters of the alphabet, I don’t know y

My jokes are still in alpha

Hopefully soon they’ll get beta

My cousin drowned. At his funeral we laid a life jacket on his coffin.
It’s what he would have wanted.

“Your finest Scotch, please.” “Yes, sir,” the guy at Officeworks says as he hands me a 12 year old roll of tape.

What’s the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

I know Jiu-Jitsu, Sambo, Judo, Aikido and lots of other scary words.

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one. He’s never gonna give you Up

Is it bad to tell knock knock jokes to homeless people?

There was a big paddle sale at the boat store.
It was quite an oar deal.