#646
My wifi has stopped working. Turns out our neighbours hadnāt paid the bill. Tightarses.
#74
I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup.
It was Won Ton.
#687
How did the farmer find his wife?
He tractor down.
#616
Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher?
Couldnāt control his pupils
#637
Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
-Librarians arguing
#622
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
#701
What kind of train eats a lot?
A chew chew train
#826
Why canāt the T-Rex clap?
Because itās dead
#7
Even when Iām really tired I refuse to take naps during the day. My wife says Iām resisting a rest.
#96
Theyāre always telling me to live my dreams. But I donāt want to be naked in an exam I havenāt revised for!
#284
When life gives you melons, youāre probably dyslexic.
#174
If you could rehydrate those raisins, thatād be grapes.
#412
Why did the mobile phone need glasses?
It lost all its contacts
#387
Velociraptor = Distance raptor / Time raptor
#857
What do bees do with their honey? They cell it.
#441
My wife said that if I donāt get off my computer and do the dishes sheāll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think sheās jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn
#12
What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A waist of time
#611
Lazy People Fact #5812672793:
You were too lazy to read that number.
#800
Iād tell you a joke about crops, but itās a bit corny.
#146
At an interview:
First question: āDescribe yourself in 3 wordsā
Me: āNot good with numbersā.