What do you call a guy no arms no legs in the mail box? Bill.

How Long is a Chinese man’s name.

No, it actually is.

Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive?
It was a grave mistake.

Yesterday I saw a keyboard with some missing keys. It ended up killing itself because it lacked self-Ctrl.

I told my wife I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti. She couldn’t believe it when I rode pasta.

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran

What do you call a sketchy Italian neighbourhood?
A Spaghetto

You know mountains aren’t just funny, they are hill areas

I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!

Today I saw a golf buggy parked in a disabled bay and thought to myself, “I wonder what his handicap is?”

I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m okay

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.

Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.

What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

One’s a crusty bus station and the other a busty crustacean

A bartender walks into a church, a temple and a mosque. He has no idea how jokes work.

30 seconds left on the microwave.
Women: set table, pour drinks, tweet, talk on the phone.
Men: do the space shuttle countdown.

Something about subtraction just doesn’t add up

Why don’t the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe

One of the elves left the North Pole to join a gang and sell drugs.
He’s a rebel without a Claus

Why are teddy bears never hungry?
Because they’re stuffed