If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup technically a smoothie?

A baby seal walks into a club.

I dreamt I was swimming in an orange ocean last night. It was just a Fanta sea

The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.

What do the movies titanic and the sixth sense have in common.
Icy dead people.

I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do *not* read it!

Celine Dion walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Those long face jokes are so mean. Let me buy you a drink”

Did you hear about the horse and pig that are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship

Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees

As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden..
The plot thickens.

Little Red Riding Hood found in a critical condition. Paramedics have stabilised her condition, but she’s not out of the woods yet.

Someone threw a bottle of Omega-3 pills at me. Luckily, my injuries were only super fish oil.

When my blonde neighbour asked me if I knew about items missing from her clothesline I nearly wet her pants.

What’s E.T. short for?
He’s got little legs

If you spent your day in a well, can you say your day was well-spent?

What do you call a woman with a toothpick up her butt?
Olive

A steak pun is a rare medium well done

What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?

Anette

Relationships between men and women is psychological.
She is psycho and he is logical.