What do you call a bee with a low buzz?
A mumblebee

Do not argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

I met a woman with 12 boobs…
Sounds weird dozen tit!

A bill collector came to my house the other day, so I gave him a huge stack of old bills

Our cat was just sick on the carpet. I don’t think its feline well.

What’s the leading cause of dry skin? Towels

I bought my friend an elephant for their room.

They said “thank you”

I said “Don’t mention it”

I felt so bad today…I saw this sad dog without a tail. Luckily, his owner was taking him to the retail store.

My cats gonna sh** when he sees his new litter box I got him for Christmas.

What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Snowballs.

Celine Dion walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Those long face jokes are so mean. Let me buy you a drink”

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying

When a deaf person sees someone yawn do they think it’s a scream?

Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant.
Dirty Bastards.

What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

One’s a crusty bus station and the other a busty crustacean

I’ve just finished reading a book called “How To Give Constructive Criticism.”
It was rubbish.

I’m close friends with 25 letters of the alphabet, I don’t know y

What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse’s butt?
A mechanic!

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they’re so good at it!