I was hooked on auctions after only going once… going twice.

I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech’ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter ‘Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite’.

When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble

I recently got a new Korean mechanic but it’s hard to understand him – he speaks with a Hyundai Accent!

What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse’s butt?
A mechanic!

Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.

A farmer counted 196 cows in the field. But when he rounded them up, he had 200

My doctors office has two doctors on call at all times. Is that considered a pair a docs.

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

Broken Guitar for sale.
No strings attached

My dad always told me “Don’t be quick to find faults”.
Good man, terrible geologist.

Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?

No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

Wanna hear a potassium joke?
K

A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.

I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium got together and I was like… “OMg”

Shouldn’t pregnant women be called body builders?

My wife said that if I don’t get off my computer and do the dishes she’ll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think she’s jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn

Accidentally fell asleep smoking an e cigarette. When I woke up, the whole house was on the Internet