Yesterday I saw a keyboard with some missing keys. It ended up killing itself because it lacked self-Ctrl.

Why don’t the enemies of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles just flip them on their backs?

My tailor is happy to make a pair of pants for me, or at least sew it seams.

If towels could tell jokes they would probably have a dry sense of humor.

I’ve been reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down

I met a one-legged woman outside of a club the other day. She was a bouncer.

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.

Statistically speaking, 6 out of 7 dwarves aren’t happy

There’s a new shaver designed for dyslexics.
It’s the best thing since sliced beard.

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn’t concentrate.

When I think of books, I touch my shelf.

Two dyslexics walk into a bra…

I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

I’ve just found out one of my mates works as a mime artist. He’s kept that quiet.

Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.

What do you call an Asian lady with one leg?
Irene

What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison? A small medium at large

I called the vet to complain about a bill. He just put the phone down. As quickly and humanely as possible.

You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.