I’ve decided to sell my Hoover … well, it was just collecting dust

Face is a four letter word. But preface is a foreword letter.

How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony? It’s not hard.

I met a woman with 12 boobs…
Sounds weird dozen tit!

I got banned from the secret cooking society… For spilling the beans.

How does an evil cow laugh? Moohaha

What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a bike and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?

Attire

I called the cops about a murder on my front lawn.
They said they couldn’t do anything about crows and to stop calling them.

I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto Noah’s Ark

I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen.

Arguing with my wife is like reading the software licencing agreement. In the end, you ignore everything and click “I agree”.

I wasn’t happy with my sons school report. He said okay. I said I want more A’s. He said okaaaaaaaay

I had an argument with one of the seven dwarfs. He wasn’t happy

What do the movies titanic and the sixth sense have in common.
Icy dead people.

I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup.
It was Won Ton.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they’re so good at it!

PMS should just be called ovary-acting

Working in a mirror factory is something I can totally see myself doing