What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line

What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway)

When I think of books, I touch my shelf.

Our vet is great. If you take your dog in and you have pet insurance, they give you a courtesy dog for the day.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.

When does a sandwich cook?
When it’s bakin lettuce and tomato

My ex-wife is standing at the opposite end of the museum from me. I want to say hello but there’s just too much history between us.

What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn’t moved a muscle in over a year?
Atrophy.

I’ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.

My doctors office has two doctors on call at all times. Is that considered a pair a docs.

You can’t run through a camping ground. You can only ran, because it’s past tents

What do you call an alcoholic Vampire?
Drunkcula

No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

What do you call a potato wearing glasses?
A spectater

Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.

What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.

One day you’re the next best thing to sliced bread.
The next, you’re toast.

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the toilet? Because it has a silent p