What does a baby computer call his dad?
Data

When my blonde neighbour asked me if I knew about items missing from her clothesline I nearly wet her pants.

About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went down hill fast.

What do dinosaurs pay their bills with?
Tyrannosaurus Cheques

I just read a book about Stockholm syndrome. It was pretty bad at first but by the end I kinda liked it

Conjunctivitis.com: a site for sore eyes

I tried walking up a hill without a watch but had neither the time nor the inclination.

So after I won the game for our team I decided to throw the ball into the crowd like they do on T.V.
Apparently, that’s a no-no in bowling.

I gave Stevie wonder a cheese grater for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.

What’s the difference between a joke and a rhetorical question?

Nobody’s perfect. I’m a nobody.

Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend off the wall? So he could see her crack!

My mate’s sex change operation from male to female went very well.
They did such a good job he’s still trying to reverse out of the hospital car park.

You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart

I used to be a lifeguard, but this blue kid got me fired.

A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.

A woman goes into a bar and asks for a “double entendre”. So the bartender gave her one.