What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic

What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?

Anette

I’ve been reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta

How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
He felt his presents

My wife and I always compromise. I admit I’m wrong and she agrees with me.

Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot

A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason… details are sketchy.

I can only tell you a bad chemistry joke because all the good ones Argon

Why did Santa’s helper get depressed?
He had low elf esteem

What did the cow say to her calf?
It’s pasture bed time

Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere.

I’m so introverted I won’t even talk to myself.

I mean – I appreciate that my friends are doing their best to cheer me up after my diagnosis, but I’ve heard so many cancer jokes today – if I get to hear just tumor I’ll really get mad.

Currently the flower business is blooming.

1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It’s either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it’s Colin.

I used to be in a band, we were called ‘lost dog’. You probably saw our posters.

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.